I Miss Him: (Still) Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees

The shoot we did in Georgia when he was making his bequest to the U of GA. Never dreamed they’d sell it off!

Believe it or not, I’m still at it! Been off the grid because lots of activity behind the scenes.

Working with a French documentary producer on a pitch for a major European broadcaster. Very time-consuming: tons of information to translate from English to French then synthesize in a professional format. First 12-page draft done and sent to him, waiting for his feedback to do next draft. Will keep you posted. Send energy. Trailer tracking up views on YouTube, link below.

Meanwhile, found my eulogy for Charlie, read at his funeral in 2003. Charlie gave me the world. I’ve added a few lines for clarity.

(Cairo, Georgia, July 25, 2003)

My name is Aliss Valerie Terrell. I’m the daughter of Charles Terrell’s youngest brother, Paul Kenneth Terrell, who at the age of 21 was a decorated hero in the Korean War, a Navy medic with the First Marine Battalion. Unfortunately, he came home with severe PTSD, before anyone knew what that meant, and he had a hard time being a dad to me during my childhood. The fortunate part is that I got Charlie as a surrogate father and spent quite a few summer months with him as a kid. We lost touch after my dad passed but I found him again in my 20’s and got to know him again as an adult.

I’m speaking today because the family asked me to say a few words about Charlie’s love of poetry and opera and how he shared them with me when I was little. This has helped me focus on happy memories instead of falling into a well of grief.

Before I continue, I want to say how proud I am to come from this family of heroes. Next June marks the 60th anniversary of D-Day, the Allied landing in Normandy, France, where my uncle James Irby Terrell played a part, stoking the boilers below decks on the battleship Arkansas at Omaha Beach. After his 8 hour shifts in 104° heat, he would go up on deck and witness the carnage on the shore and the bombing of surrounding towns. He survived to support the troop landings at Iwo Jima and Okinawa. He was then 22 years old. Irby is here today, sitting in the front row. On behalf of everyone in Europe and the Free World, I want to say thank you, Irby.

So….imagine that you are five, six or seven years old, just learning to read and write. You’re sitting out on the porch on a sweltering summer evening with Uncle Charlie and Aunt Margaret, in Rhode Island or Georgia, helping to shell peas or peanuts or snapping beans, and you hear this in Charlie’s Georgia voice, slow and deliberate, in a low, almost questioning tone, detaching each syllable, emphasizing the consonants and diphthongs:

Boh Da Thone was a warrior bold:

His sword and his rifle were bossed with gold,

And the Peacock Banner his henchmen bore

Was stiff with bullion, but stiffer with gore.

He shot at the strong and he slashed at the weak

From the Salween scrub to the Chindwin teak:

He crucified noble, he scarified mean,

He filled old ladies with kerosene….

Those are the opening lines of The Ballad of Boh Da Thone, written in 1888 about the Anglo-Burmese War, by Rudyard Kipling, one of Charlie’s favorite poets. You can guess of course that Charlie identified with the rebel bandit more than with the British colonizers.

Charlie was passionate about poetry, all poetry, from light verse to love lyrics and descriptions of nature, but he seemed to especially enjoy narrative, rhythmic stanzas with a good plot and a historical or philosophical twist. The works I particularly remember him reading to me were by Kipling, William Shakespeare and Omar Khayyam. I honestly did not understand every word, but his sense of drama, dry humor, love of words, and the sound of his voice were magical and held me spellbound. Later he loved to recite “The Guitarist Tunes Up” by Charles’ Darwin’s granddaughter, Frances Darwin Cranford.

With what attentive courtesy he bent 
Over his instrument; 
Not as a lordly conqueror who could 
Command both wire and wood, 
But as a man with a loved woman might, 
Inquiring with delight 
What slight essential things she had to say 
Before they started, he and she, to play.

He was truly a romantic.

Charlie also introduced me to opera. Among my earliest memories are the glorious trumpets in the Grand March from Verdi’s Aida, the sweeping overture from his La Traviata, the poignant humming chorus from Puccini’s Madame Butterfly. (I will not attempt to interpret them for you now…)

Through words and music, Charlie took me around the world, to India, Burma, now Myanmar, England, Persia, Egypt, Italy, Japan…

He gave me the world.

As the years passed, he continued to explore both poetry and opera. I remember how thrilled he was a few years ago when he discovered the Russian poet Alexander Pushkin and his masterpiece, Eugene Onegin. Charlie traveled far to see Lucia Di Lammermoor by Donizetti and added that to his list of favorites. He loved Lincoln Center and the Met in NYC and was a donor.

Then there was the time he came to visit me in Paris and I submitted him to a contemporary opera by an obscure East German composer based on the Russian novel, The Master and Margarita. It was a gala Parisian cultural event, the last opera performed at the ornate 19th century Palais Garnier opera house, before it was exclusively dedicated to ballet. I didn’t realize when I bought the tickets that there was not a single line of melody in the whole production. Instead, from our luxurious box seats, we witnessed violinists beating their instruments with their bows, an empty stage with the Rolling Stones being played backwards, and singers executing highly complex sequences of seemingly unrelated notes… Charlie was gracious and found enjoyment in the experience somehow.

What strikes me the most in all the stories that have been shared here today, is that Charlie’s life reads like an epic poem or the libretto of a magnificent opera. Singing was one of the few talents he didn’t possess, but in his daily life, he was every bit as vibrant as his favorite tenor, Placido Domingo.

Indeed, Charlie’s biography is a tale of early hardship, triumph over adversity, love lost and found again, and great accomplishments, ultimately humbled by human fragility–in his case, old age and illness.

As a child getting a taste of opera, I couldn’t accept the fact that there is no happy end. The characters never really live happily ever after. I guess I’ve grown up because I’ve finally realized that what stays with you is not the death of the hero, but the greatness of the human soul, the richness of our experience as human beings, expressing emotions that transform the lives around us, and the realization that we are at once limited and infinite.

Charlie gave me the world and he gave me glimpses of immortality and eternity.

He personified the ability to overcome insurmountable obstacles, sailing through life, diving to the bottom of the sea, climbing Mt Helena, planting a million trees for future generations, and touching so many people with his generosity and his high expectations. Now his example empowers us all to fulfill our potential and surprise ourselves by surpassing what we thought we could do on this earth.

Not the least of Charlie’s accomplishments is to have brought us all together here today in a community of spirit.

I’m very grateful for this opportunity to honor Charlie and express my amazement and good fortune to have known him and been part of his life.

Thank you, Jane Harris, for making his last days so peaceful.

There are many other Charlie stories I could tell: getting eaten by mosquitos at the bird sanctuary in Rhode Island, Wakulla Springs, where an alligator had just devoured a tourist, canoeing and more alligators in the Okefenokee, sailing at Shell Point in Florida and surviving a storm on the Fallen Lady sailboat he shared with the Tallahassee Chief of Police, how he taught me to stay safe from rattlers and heat stroke, drive a tractor, catch crawdads and catfish, the pony he borrowed for me to ride…how he loved his pack of mongrel rescue pups and the creatures on his land, including the fish, who came to meet him every morning for their feeding.

How we lost each other and found each other again after my dad died is another whole chapter.

In closing, here are four lines from the “Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam,” as translated by Edward Fitzgerald, in The Treasury of the World’s Best Loved Poems, which Charlie inscribed for me with these words, in his unique handwriting style with no caps:

“i can’t say the things i feel–neither can shakespeare nor khayyam—so to hell with it! maybe you know.  chaswterrell”

“Ah, my Beloved, fill the Cup that clears

To-day of past Regret and future Fears:

   To-morrow!—Why, To-morrow I may be

Myself with Yesterday’s Sev’n thousand Years”

©Aliss Valerie Terrell 2024

Trailer:

To donate:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees, 2024 Reset

Where I’ve been for the past few months… but first a blast from the past: a much younger me on location in Grady County, Georgia, filming my uncle, Mr. Charlie, his story, how he came to plant a million trees, create wetlands and frame his 1000-acre bequest to the University of Georgia, in perpetuity.

With no film school diploma or cinema credentials, all I had was pure desire to capture this character and his accomplishment, gathering hours of video footage and trusting I’d find a way to share it somewhere down the line. With all its logistics, the experience was fun and exciting, especially because my tech-savvy honey, Lewis, came along as self-taught sound engineer and DP on equipment borrowed in France.

That younger me is on my mind constantly…

She’d gone to Paris on a Fulbright for a Masters in Russian, then swept into a music career and was now about to walk down the aisle. She couldn’t know that a year or so she’d be expecting a baby and then swamped for decades, creating a home, shepherding kids, juggling day jobs, writing and moonlighting in music.

After the shoot in Georgia, she meticulously logged all the content, put together a synopsis and cold-called TV channels and producers, looking for a way into the documentary world, but paid work, a wedding and a baby grabbed priority. The Mr. Charlie videos slid onto a back burner and then into a drawer.

I’m glad she didn’t know beforehand that far away in the future, the university would break their promises and sell off the land, most of it to their cronies at lumber companies.

Convinced that Mr. Charlie’s trees and land were safe for the ages, she would have been deeply shocked and saddened by the betrayal, possibly too demotivated to cross the Atlantic and climb around southwest Georgia and the Florida panhandle…

As it was, she felt bad about shelving the Mr. Charlie project. It would comfort her to know that her video footage would survive for 30 years and morph into a new “digital” format that could be zapped across continents in 2020 when it could be used as evidence, that some of the main actors would still be alive to help her tell the tale and honor Mr. Charlie’s legacy.

I bet she’d marvel at her much older self, networking non-stop for years, financing and directing a film shoot at the University of Georgia in 2022 with a pro videographer and one of her children as production assistant, collaborating with filmmakers and environmental champions, completing and publicizing a polished trailer in 2023, attending documentary film conferences in North Carolina and La Rochelle, contributing an interview and reams of fact-checking to a program called a “podcast” on a global broadcast platform. (Trailer and podcast links below)

She’d be heartsick over massive deforestation in the American South and everywhere, and at the extent of global warming. She’d be appalled by corporate greed and abuses by public institutions including university foundations such as the one at UGA that organized the sale of Mr. Charlie’s land.

She’d be amazed at the number of contacts the future Aliss would make on both sides of the Atlantic and the scope of the film project, no longer just a portrait, but now an inspiring international call to action for the environment and climate justice.

I hope she’d understand where we are now, why I’ve been off the grid since mid-October 2023, when strains on my energy and health put me temporarily out of commission:

Coming back to Paris early September 2023 after a too-short break, I knew I was exhausted but thought I was doing enough self-care. A lot of new information was coming in for the film, so I was updating my Mr. Charlie synopsis while exploring strategies for co-productions and funding to complete the film, a tall order.

Then a series of extra challenges came my way. Just to name a few: we found out about a fly-by-night real estate project that threatens the structure and stability of our Paris building; someone set fire to one of the shops downstairs; we had smoke and water damage to clean up and repair in our living space before the arrival of house-guests who couldn’t reschedule.

Accident 1: my son got hit by a car coming home late from work on his scooter. Fortunately, he wasn’t seriously injured but we were all in shock and it took his young body weeks to recover.

I switched into high gear, stretching in all directions to problem solve…

Accident 2: rushing home on a crowded metro train after a dentist appointment, trying to exit before I missed my stop, I was crushed horizontally by the metal doors and only made it out thanks to other passengers pulling the doors apart.  Stabbing pain in my pelvis. Unable to stand or walk, I stumbled to a bench, terrified and not thinking clearly. My husband was away. Survival instinct kicked in. Somehow I got to my feet and hobbled home, one halting step after the other.

X-rays showed no broken bones, but the prognosis was uncertain. My back felt like it was made of antique hardware and rubber bands that popped agonizingly out of place at the slightest movement. Grooming and dressing demanded cautious contortions.

Ice. Osteopath. Physical therapy. Hot water bottles. A brace. Every wellness hack in the book.

Walking got easier and I could manage stairs. Several times I thought I was better and it started again, only worse.

And that’s not all!

Two weeks later I came down with something that messed up my hearing! Rumbling and buzzing instead of sound. Normal MRI. The specialist couldn’t find a physical cause and said it was probably due to stress, which only added to my stress. (Now they’re saying it could be COVID-related.) In any case, heavy-duty meds and fatigue.

Meanwhile, I could barely move and barely hear! My world slowed down and shrank radically from transatlantic flights and high-speed trains to slomo close to home with kind souls who were willing to communicate by yelling.

If we’re connected on social media, you may have seen my short excursions around our Parisian village neighborhood. That plus phone conversations with the volume turned up, cooking, reading and Netflix with subtitles kept me connected and sane. As an act of faith, I played guitar and sang just to feel the vibrations. Would I be like this for the rest of my life?

I felt diminished and vulnerable, but refused to cancel a long-planned family trip to the US for some close friends’ wedding and a rare American Thanksgiving. Traveling in planes and cars was tough but completely worth it: a beautiful couple exchanging vows and celebrating, laughter around holiday tables, music and singing, board games, decorating for Christmas and reminiscing with my favorite people boosted me out of the hole I’d fallen into.

Selfie Receiving cat massage, upstate NY, December 2nd, 2023

When I got back to Paris early December, I knew I was going to be ok..

Wedding Anniversary, December 22nd, 2023, Tour d’Argent, Paris

Now it’s January. I’ve finally recovered my freedom of movement and hearing. Picking up the threads of my life. Everything feels like a miracle, especially after wondering if I would ever be myself again. Gratitude.

Thank you, family and friends, everyone who listened, hugged and surrounded me with love.

I hope this fallow time will give me new energy and perspective, a reset, a new frame of reference for a fresh start with the trust and optimism of my younger self.

Wishing everyone a refreshing new start in 2024. To be continued…

Aliss

To donate:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

IG link

https://www.instagram.com/aliss.terrell/

Mr. Charlie’s Trees, Podcast on Spotify

(Thank you Dogwood Alliance forest champions and host Aanahita Ervin, Climate Fellow, Duke University Sanford School of Public Policy)

“Mr. Charlie’s life’s work culminated into 1000 acres of forest land that he created through 30 years of hard work. His last wish was to give that land perpetuity. He bequeathed his land to the University of Georgia Foundation (UGAF) in the hopes of achieving that. Unfortunately, his wishes were not fulfilled.

Beginning with Mr. Charlie, this episode follows his life journey and how it led him to plant a million trees. With Aliss Terrell, the episode explores the legality, but ethical opaqueness, of UGAF’s actions. The episode covers UGAF’s role in the story by exploring the power that university foundations have historically had. The episode ends with a brief look into how Aliss seems like she’s alone, but how she can act to fight for our forests in her own way.

Special thanks to Aliss Terrell for her dedication to her uncle’s story and legacy. Her research and thoroughness helped tremendously. Here is the trailer to the documentaryabout Mr. Charlie’s Trees, as well as the GoFundMe.

For more information: Visit Aliss Terrell’s Linktree. She updates folks on her journey of telling Mr. Charlie’s story.”

Listen to this episode on Spotify.

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees: Momentum!

Sunny Side International Documentary Fest and Market…

4 days of non-stop contacts and info, kudos for the trailer (link below), interest in the film… stay tuned…

La Rochelle, historic port city on the southwest Atlantic coast of France, beautiful and rich in history….

Ultra modern conference center, right on the water…

Inside the exposition space, reps from every major doc broadcast platform, production unit and distributors from US, UK, France, Europe, Ukraine, China, Japan, Australia, South America…Where were India and Africa?

Cocktail mixer part 1
Cocktail mixer part 2

Netflix, Arté, Channel 4, Canal +, FranceTV, CBC, NHK, RMC, PBS and others showing line ups for next season…

Pitch sessions for every genre, seminars on production and market trends, mostly in English, some in French and Chinese, all with simultaneous translation. Accent on low carbon strategies, inclusivity and impact campaigns, all becoming requirements for funding.

Summer solstice sunsets..

Places to see like the Eco-aquarium, with bistro overlooking the port…

Seafood and french cuisine, close to the water, lush gardens…

Sunset high-speed train ride back to Paris…smallest possible carbon footprint, staying with friends was fun and saved the budget.

Information and donations

https://gofund.me/9afe5945

Thank yu for your support, the sky’s the limit…

Aliss

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees: On the road again

(Photo on left courtesy of the Dogwood Alliance)

Just a few days ago an amazing new contact from the Southern Documentary Convening in May advised me to attend an important international doc festival here in France and…. it’s starting tomorrow morning. In just 3)4 days had to pull together all the logistics and am leaving later this afternoon on the high speed train to La Rochelle, on the Atlantic Coast!

My mission: to get all the info about international co-productions and connect with potential financing, producing, distribution and broadcasting partners for my film and for my doc community in the US…

To be continued!

Trailer

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees, Deforestation in the South and Climate Justice, Heroes and Villains

Donate @ GoFundMe

https://gofund.me/9afe5945

Aliss

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees: Thank you Southern Documentary Fund

Just got back from a weekend of learning, connecting with makers, producers, distributors, funders, music supervisors, activists… and talking about my film. Thank you Kimala and Beth from Dogwood for picking me up at the airport, driving me to my hotel, non-stop talk, smoothies and coffee. (Thank you Mark C. Cave for the photo!)

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees, preview/trailer

Thursday May 18, Exploring Durham: rooftop lounge at my hotel, Durham bull totem, rich history

Friday May 19, American Underground, Durham reinventing itself, downtown co-working and conference center, check-in, rooftop welcome mixer

Screening, Northstar Church of the Arts, presented by Germane James, Executive Director

AFTER SHERMAN, by Jon-Sesrie Gof, the story of an American inheritance in the low-country lands deeded to freed slaves after the civil war. The director follows his father, trying to hold back the rising tide of gentrification and hate crimes.

Saturday May 20, Continental Breakfast at American Underground 

and Welcome by moderator Chris Everett, Southern Documentary Fund

Keynote by Jon-Sesrie Gof: “Strange Fruit, Truth-Telling in the South”

Panel: “Cultivating Kudzu, Developing a Southern Story-telling Culture”

Lunch

Panel: “The Key Elements of Impact Campaigns” with Working Films

Panel: “Means for a Mission, Strategies for Funding”

Screening: BURNED by Elijah Yetter-Bowman: The true story of one person’s quest to expose cancer causing PFAS in firefighters’ gear, Q&A with Sammy Bauer (moderator), Elijah Yetter-Bowman (director), Cathy Cralle Jones (Environmental Attorney), and Emily Sutton (activist).

Mixer at Unscripted Hotel

Creatives Nina, Kenya, Caroline (production, photography, doc filmmaker), Kyle, Paige, Abbey, doc filmmakers

Sunday May 21, Continental Breakfast at American Underground 

Panel: “Music for Documentaries”

Panel: “Documentary Distribution”

Goodbyes and flying into the northern sunset

More information and to donate

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Thank you Southern Documentary Community!

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees: “Extraordinary, essential, urgent!”

Reviews :

 “Bravo!”

“AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Great! It really engages me and makes me want to know more. Great job!”

“Wow. That is a powerful preview – inspiring to action.” 

“Looking great!”

“I loved the trailer!”

“Powerful. I can’t wait to see the finished film.”

“Top!”

“Extraordinary, essential, urgent!”

“Well produced, thought provoking and can tell it was done lovingly. Great job!”

“Wow! Very powerful and touching!”

“Fantastic!  May I share it?”

“Truly amazing! I started crying!”

“An amazing and heart-breaking story.”

“I found it heartbreaking to hear Charlie express his life’s dream juxtaposed against the U of Georgia’s super rational ‘just the facts ma’am’ representative’s response to your interview. What also touched me was seeing the images of forests of gorgeous trees and imagining them all cut down for pellets. Hopefully your story of Charlie’s dream will inspire Southerners to care about what is happening to their own legacy of forests.”

We can still be heroes.

Watch:

For more information and to donate:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees: Preview ON LINE

English and French subtitles

Mr. Charlie came from poverty to plant a million trees and create a wildlife sanctuary he left to the University of Georgia for safekeeping.

He was my uncle and a second father to me.

This is about big money and the future of our world.

In 2020, UGA reinterpreted the terms of the agreements and began selling off the land, most of it to a lumber company.

What will happen to his trees?

And to the South?

And to the earth?

Can we still be heroes?

Trees, people, wildlife, climate…

Big Money, Big Timber.

Come with me.

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees

…Part of a much bigger picture: massive deforestation and industrial logging in low income communities in the South and repercussions across the globe.

For more information and to donate:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc

 

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees: Preview happening and more

It’s been a very long gestation: pachydermic, cetacean…

Audio mix, check. End credits, check. Final focus group feedback, check.

Added contact information! (Thank you, Kyle and Chris)

Uploading on private YouTube setting to sync my human-made (not AI) French subtitles, will share on public setting ASAP.

The past few weeks all my writing energy has gone into renewing communication with everyone who responded to my SOS in 2020-21, when I was pleading with UGA not to sell off my uncle’s 1000-acre bequest without protecting it: conservation agencies and non-profits, legal and climate experts. Also sent off emails to some newly recommended contacts.

Reactions have been very gratifying: drone and video footage offered for the future documentary by a top-notch conservation realtor/filmmaker and Greenpeace US! A prominent South Georgia newspaper has shown interest.

Warm words from a staff member at a major agency (name withheld by request):

“Oh Aliss – I hardly have the words. I wish with all in my heart that I could have been in a position to do more to help save Mr. Charlie’s trees. That said, you are a force to be reckoned with, and your write-up on the documentary status brought me to tears…in more than one way. Seeing the environmental crises in our own backyard, let alone those across the globe, haunt me in a very similar way. And the pain and seemingly unfair and absurd losses in our lives add more weight to what we already carry on our shoulders and in our hearts.

I look forward to the day when I can see your full documentary, and I hope you will continue to keep me posted on your progress. Without knowing you personally, I have to admit I am incredibly proud of the way you are tackling this unfair situation and your sorrow, and you have taught me something new today I can apply to my life each day moving forward – that you don’t have to follow the stages of grief; you don’t have to accept it; but you can transform into something much more powerful.”

All this keeps me going.

More news: Zoomed with staff at the Southern Documentary Fund, who invited me to apply for their fiscal sponsorship program and grants. They think funding will be available and broadcasters interested. The application process is quite involved and will require some time. Meanwhile, I’m taking SDF webinars as part of their mentorship programming and will be attending their annual Convening event in Raleigh-Durham NC In May, to network…

Since my March update about transforming heartbreak into action, I’ve been focusing on my state of mind and body. This adventure is like being plugged into a power strip 24/7, literally wired around the clock. I have to find ways to deal with the feeling that I can never do enough. Very thankful for my family, friends, paid creative work and beautiful Paris, France for resting and replenishing me. Trying to cultivate peace in all areas of my life.

After much discussion with tech advisors, the website will come later when I have investors and producers to help. Until then, communication will go through my IG and gmail address. Now talking with a community manager to coordinate social.

Preview on line in a matter of days…Home stretch.

For more information:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees: Transforming Heartbreak

The past week has been a turning point for me.

Sunday March 5th, I was able to schedule a “final” session with my editor and friend Chris, a minor miracle. He’s very talented and much in demand, just promoted to COO of a French TV studio, also fathering a young family. We got a lot done. Only one last step to go: mix the audio.

Monday March 6th at midnight Paris time, I attended a zoom meeting of forest activists organized by Dogwood and “met” some of the people on the frontline of climate justice whose video interviews I’d watched on the website.* Hearing what they’re up against day to day (EPA inexplicably granting more and more permits for pellet factories in their back yards, more clear cutting, more pollution, more illnesses, titanium mine threatening the Okefenokee) made me emotional. I told them about my uncle, Mr. Charlie’s story, from poverty to planting a million trees, how UGA sold the 1000 acres he entrusted to them for trees and wildlife, most of it to a lumber company, how I want to honor his legacy on film and IRL.

 “Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed by the scope and the scale of what we’re all trying to do. There’s a lot of grief. My reward is connecting with you and this community. Your example keeps me going. Moments of joy in the grief.”

It was the first time I used the word grief about this.  

Tuesday March 7th, I spent the day compiling email addresses, sending out personal notes and links to my articles and videos, mapping a strategy to share the preview as soon as it’s finished, publicize and get support for the documentary.

Wednesday March 8th, responses began trickling in. Mostly encouraging, but one stopped me in my tracks. A conservation professional I respect and would like to have as an ally was put off by my attempts to maintain contact, expressing reticence about “becoming entangled” in my “fight with UGA.” Could I clarify? Trying to get other things done, I spent the whole day mulling this over and taking notes for a reply, seeing myself through his eyes.

Everything that’s happened since I found out UGA was selling my uncle’s bequest in July 2020 began flashing before my eyes.

Shock: this can’t be happening, there must be a mistake. Surely the university will back up when they realize it’s a misunderstanding. Phone calls and emails to UGA, video of Charlie clearly stating his wishes for the land.

Response: UGA reps string me along, brush me off. I keep sending emails, calling, as courteously as possible.

-Reaching out to family and friends of Mr. Charlie’s. Compiling documents. Unanimous reaction: “What? This is wrong.” They send letters and affidavits.

Lawyers give pro bono opinions: apparently someone at UGA found a loophole to make the sale legal, but there was a moral obligation to ensure its protection with new owners. The agreements were signed by all UGA administrators and the person who oversaw the sale knew Mr. Charlie personally, knew his intent.

UGA finalizes the sale anyway.

-I contact conservation agencies and non-profits, keep researching:  everyone says the way the land was sold is unethical but there’s no way I can outmatch UGA’s clout in court, they have deeper pockets. I learn about the larger picture, southern forests and climate justice.

Me: move forward with film, network. Filmmaking community very supportive. I post on social media, share videos, organize film shoot in GA in August 2022, now completing the preview, planning the documentary: tell Mr. Charlie’s story in the larger context, balance with potential positive outcomes, show the forest champions and how we can all act for a better future.

Running through everything I see it: a thread of growing frustration and more or less polite anger, definitely bursting out in the way I planned to edit a sequence of a UGA rep interviewed in August, in extreme close up, dehumanizing.

The word grief from Monday’s zoom comes back to me and I let myself feel it. Behind the anger is huge, soul-drowning sorrow. Sorrow for Mr. Charlie, fitting a million seedlings into furrows behind a tractor for hours, for years, walking the land he brought back from ruin and wanted to protect for wildlife. Sorrow for the millions of trees being clear-cut day after day in the US South, trucked to wood pellet factories, suffocating local communities there, burning and polluting in Europe and Japan. I know some trees have to be harvested, but not this way.

I feel sorrow for the life-spring Okefenokee wetlands where Twin Pines Corp wants to mine titanium. Sorrow for the Amazon, sorrow for the glaciers, sorrow for the icecaps, the oceans….sorrow sorrow…

And I’m sad for some of the people I met at UGA who thought they were doing the right thing, misinformed by advisors focused on dollars. And this is not an isolated incident, it’s a trend. Excellent reason to make the film, get the information out there, prevent this from happening to others. If Charlie had been more informed, his land could have been protected.

I thank my anger for carrying me here, for saving me from a bottomless well of grief. I thank the people defending a forest near Atlanta for the anger that makes them brave.…But will my anger bring conservation protection for Mr. Charlie’s bequest? My highest role models, the ones having the most impact, are not weaponizing anger. I need to be clear-headed and focused to create alliances. To get beyond anger I have to face the grief.

Here are the 5 stages of grief, according to E. Kubler Ross:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance…

I see myself bouncing back and forth between the first four states since July 2020. I haven’t allowed myself to even think the D word, filling my senses with beauty in all its forms to stay afloat: family time, friends, pets, art, sky, trees, ocean, cooking, music, flowers, writing, home keeping…. But if I tell the truth, my undeniable moments of intense fatigue are probably due to the heaviness of carrying the grief behind the anger. As for stage 5, there are things I can never accept.

Days go by. Can’t stop thinking about this.

Sunday March 12th. Woke up to waves of thunder rolling from somewhere outside. Took a minute to identify it: drumming. A lot of demonstrations in Paris right now. Is this another one against retirement reform? Coffee in hand, searched online. Among other mass movements across the city, there’s a marathon and Climate March. Maybe I’m hearing the Brazilian percussion band that always turns out for climate events? Threw on my clothes and ran over to the big square nearby that serves as a gathering place. There they were, bless them, rocking back and forth, twirling their sticks, radiant, energized, batucada carnival vibes turning a gray weekend morning into a holiday.*

I felt like an idiot standing there with tears streaming down my face. emotions of the week spilling over. Grief, but also gratitude to these dancing drummers and everyone keeping up the beat, the vital heartbeat of love for life on earth, no matter what. Gratitude to so many others putting their lives and lifetimes on the frontline.

Badaeû Place Stalingrad, Paris

Can we replace step 5 in the grieving process with Transformation? ID the anger, elevate the sadness, transform them into right words and action?

Email to the conservation professional: I want to create consensus not conflict.

Email to editor Chris: hey,  one last edit, reframe, pull back from that extreme close up on the UGA rep’s face. It’s carried my anger, protected me from grief, but it won’t create alliances for Mr. Charlie, for climate justice, for life on earth.

Meanwhile… in some twisted synchronicity, hearts are breaking very close to me. A couple I adore are splitting up. Parents I know just lost their only child in an absurd accident.

Not to mention world news.

I look to the people who have gone beyond mourning. The Chamberlains creating a foundation in their lost son’s name. Marion Stoddart who single-handedly saved the dead Nashua river in Massachusetts and Sue Edwards who made a film about it. Dogwood, NRDC, SELC.  So many staying at it every day, beyond grief.

To paraphrase Glennon Doyle, “All love revolutions start with a broken heart.”

Each in our own time. Let us drum, dance, heal our hearts, transform.

(I’ll probably have to revisit some of the grief stages, but I can be clearer and surely more effective.)

*Activist interviews @DogwoodAlliance

https://www.dogwoodalliance.org/stories/videos/

(PS They were there for the marathon, not the Climate March, but I’ll take joy wherever I find it.)

Mr Charlie in his own words

More updates at:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Thank you!

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees: War on Forests

The War on Forests is real. It’s raging most fiercely in the Southeastern US, followed in scale by the Amazon, Europe and Asia.

Corporations led by the Bio-Mass industry, our favorite fast food chains, drugstore magnates, and furniture retailers, abetted by our banks, institutions and even some conservation agencies, are presenting this as justified and good for humankind, as war machines usually do. (Type “deforestation” and any of the above terms into your browser for some eye-openers).

A few brave non-violent resistance fighters like the Dogwood Alliance, NRDC and some eco-journalists are posting images of vast clearcutting in old growth forests, pellet factories and wood-burning power plants choking the air, with lines of 18 wheelers carrying felled tree trunks to acres of stacked logs.

Here in France, ancient oaks are being culled to reconstruct Notre Dame, certainly a worthy cause, since the cathedral symbolizes the heart of this land, but more disturbingly, the timber industry is riding the publicity wave with claims that wood resources are “endlessly renewable,” that cutting and replanting trees is “good for the climate.”

This is simply not supported by science. Mature forests hold far greater amounts of carbon than young seedlings. Click on the link below to watch Professor William Moomaw, co-Nobel Peace Prize laureate, lay out the facts*.

Yes, forests do grow back, as we see in France and New England, more wooded now than in the 18th and 19th centuries, respectively. But this takes many decades and we don’t have that luxury right now, with ice sheets melting, sea levels rising and extreme weather all over the globe.

Who would have ever imagined that rainy France would be in danger of devastating droughts like the one last summer? Many areas are now rationing water. Between January 21st and February 22nd of this year, there was less than 1 mm of precipitation in the entire country for 31 days. A staggering record.

My uncle, Mr. Charlie, hoped to forestall this by planting his million trees and negotiating his 1000-acre bequest to the University of Georgia.  It was to be a wildlife sanctuary and a tree-farm because as he said, “Man must be served.” He knew that some trees had to be harvested to save others. The ones he planted healed the exhausted land he bought and restored, providing wood sustainably so that other forests could be left standing. It defies belief that a trusted institution, a university forestry school, would sell the property, most of it to a lumber company…

Mr. Charlie’s story is emblematic of the War on Forests.

Against all odds, brave souls are standing up to forest enemies.

I wish I could be in Atlanta next week to stand up for the Weelaunee. (See defendtheatlantaforest.org)

My form of resistance, from the other side of the world, is finishing the preview for “Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees” and supporting those who inspire us to take action. I’ll post more details.

Meanwhile thank you for reading these updates and sharing your input. Shout out to Cliff Frost for the Atlanta convergence visuals.

*Professor Moomaw tells it like it is:

“Large trees must be preserved. They are by far the most valuable–not for lumber–but for the incredible amount of carbon they store. Just 3% of the trees– the big ones, which are over 21 inches in diameter– store a whopping 40% of the carbon. In managed forests, the replanted trees take years to effectively pull CO2 out of the air…We must save the #StrategicForestReserves and prevent the largest trees from being foolishly harvested.”

PS I awoke last night to the comforting sound of rain on the roof. It’s raining now. The rest of France is not so fortunate. We’ll need much more to replenish the aquifers.

To be continued….

Aliss

Watch:

Read more:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees: The Plot Thickens (a lot)

One of the lakes Mr. Charlie created on his bequest for wildlife

The French would call this documentary un travail de fourmi, literally ant work, something ambitious, done in tiny increments. The long process does have advantages: time to spread the word, linking a circle of allies.

While on hold, I shared the previous update “Behind the Scenes” with the first people I reached out to three years ago, who were moved by the story and gave me valuable leads to build a network for the film. Sometimes I don’t realize how far we’ve come, but they remind me and applaud. I’m grateful.

This week/soon: finalizing edits on the trailer/preview as team schedules permit, cutting in the better Danna Smith* interview clips (thank you, videographer Kyle and editor Chris).

Other advances: new contacts with extended family and friends in Grady County, Georgia, close neighbors of Mr. Charlie’s, who either knew him personally and witnessed his decades of tree planting and conservation, or heard of him through the local grapevine. They were shocked in 2020 when Charlie’s land was “posted” as Private Property and gunshots rang out there for the first time in 50 years.

Mr. Charlie thought his 1000 acres would be kept safe in perpetuity and signed agreements with UGA stipulating that the land be available for use by the community for “recreation practices including but not limited to bird watching, hiking, camping, horseback riding and nature study” with “no sport hunting, trapping or killing of wildlife including mammals, reptiles, amphibians or fowl of any type.” When UGA sold it, the new owner’s first move was to restrict pubic access and grant leases for hunting.

Trees were Mr. Charlie’s priority because he put those million seedlings in the ground with his own hands and nurtured them to maturity. Their greater purpose was to heal and protect land and wildlife. We now know they’re essential to mitigate climate change.

In his own words: “Above all I want to save the earth from Man’s destruction. It’s more important to me than my own life.”

This is why he created lakes and wetlands on his property.

Mr. Charlie’s excavation for Lake Linda, now Terrell Lake.

Bald cypress Mr. Charlie planted for erosion control and wildlife forage on wetlands he developed at his home place.

Thursday February 2nd was the UN’s World Wetlands Day. For more information on their importance to the planet:

https://news.un.org/en/story/2023/02/1133072

The best hope now to protect Mr. Charlie’s trees now would be to set up conservation easements with the new owners. But who are they?

According to public records, most of the bequest was sold to one lumber company, whose CEO is a UGA alum and member of the Alumni board (= donor). His company has thousands of acres in the state. Their website does not list his contact information and seems to have been bought out recently. A second tract has already changed hands at double the price. The third parcel was purchased by a family in Florida….

This is where it’s vital to have boots on the ground. My contacts in the area are investigating. (Thank you Harris family)

I’ve been talking about this with conservation professionals (Tall Timbers and Alabama Georgia Land Trust) for 2 years. Ideally, they could broker conservation deals, but they’re already stretched in terms of personnel and resources, given the long list of endangered landscapes and creatures they’re called upon to safeguard.

When I spoke to the UGA Dean of Forestry recently he confirmed that the university will not use their clout or resources to assist with this in any way.

Can I as an individual approach all these new owners? Were they aware of Mr. Charlie’s intent for the land or were the properties presented as mere real estate? Could the lumber CEO see preserving the property as good PR?  Do the others care about conservation?

My documentary may be the only way to save Mr. Charlie’s trees, at least virtually. Perhaps it will help save other forests.

Right now in Georgia: I know Mr. Charlie would identify with the people risking their lives for trees at the South River Forest:

 “…one of Atlanta’s largest, richest and most enjoyable urban woodlands. It borders a predominantly Black, underprivileged neighborhood. The battle for its future erupted over a year ago when the City Council, in a decision met by much public resistance, approved plans for a $90 million, 85-acre training center in the middle of the woods. It would be one of the biggest centers of its kind anywhere in the country, containing not only a shooting range and driving course for practicing high-speed chases, but also an entire simulated village where police would train to conduct raids.”

… “A 26-year-old protester, Manuel Esteban Paez Terán, is dead, gunned down by law enforcement in what they are calling an act of self-defense.”

Richard Powers, author of Overstory, NYT, February 2, 2023

For inspiration:

Danna Smith* was at the White House this week with a delegation of scientists and activists advocating for Southern Forests and Climate Justice. More about this to come…

* Danna Smith, Founder and Executive director of the Dogwood Alliance, first row left,

https://www.dogwoodalliance.org

These people make my “ant work” worthwhile, a labor of love.

Thank YOU for your support.

Aliss

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc

Behind the Scenes on Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees

(Athens, Georgia, August 2023. Photo Valentine Terrell-Monfeuga)

I’m glad I didn’t know the preview/trailer would take such a long time to make, but no regrets! As my French friend and editor Chris says, “You can’t learn this in film school.”

Believe it or not, I hope to share it soon.

Detailed progress report below. Meanwhile, a glimpse behind the scenes that will shed light on where we are now in the process:

Sunday August, 21st 2022, in peak hurricane season and post-COVID airline chaos, I manage to land in Atlanta, GA with V and drive to Athens for a two-day shoot starting with interviews at the UGA forestry school that I had set up over the previous year.

Monday: We rendezvous with our videographer Kyle at 7:30 am, drive to campus, introduce ourselves, set up equipment, then film interviews of faculty and students most of the day, including one impromptu with the Dean himself, gleaning a lot of very interesting information and finishing off with a shoot at the iconic Tree That Owns Itself near our hotel.

Tuesday morning, for the nth time, I try to get interviews with the people who urged and oversaw the sale of the 1000-acre wildlife sanctuary and tree farm that Mr. Charlie entrusted to the university for safe-keeping (75-80% to logging companies), but they refuse to take my calls, for the nth time. Kyle films me trying to reach them and we end the morning with B-rolls (background and area shots on campus). Quick lunch.

For early afternoon, I’ve scheduled a session with Danna Smith, Founder and Executive Director of the Dogwood Alliance. https://www.dogwoodalliance.org

As a leading expert on Southern Forests, the dangers of industrial logging and its impact on local communities, she is the best person to put Mr. Charlie’s story in context with environmental issues and climate justice.

I’m hoping to find a location on the UGA campus to interview her, but the buildings we scout are occupied with classes and meetings and the outdoor areas are too noisy due to traffic and lawn mowers, so the only possible place turns out to be our hotel room.

It looks larger in the photo above due to the angle, but is really a tight fit, just enough space to tiptoe around the giant bed, bolted to the floor (?) that cannot be budged. A heavy settee in front of the window leaves a very small surface for us to place a squeaky chair.

Danna has generously taken time out of her busy schedule and drives down from Asheville, N.C. for the occasion. She needs to get back on the road and arrive home before nightfall as she’s traveling elsewhere shortly after our shoot. We agree to wear masks and distance to avoid all risk of COVID contagion before she gets on her flight from Asheville.

While Kyle and V ready audio, lights and cameras upstairs, I greet Danna downstairs in the lobby, our first in-person encounter after months of zooming and emailing. We touch base and go over the interview questions. I’ve already texted her to apologize for the room. It’s cold, damp and smells of mold. The window is sealed shut so we’ve kept the hall door open as much as possible to ventilate, but the air is very stuffy there, too, and doesn’t make much difference. Good sport Danna’s brought a sweater and isn’t worried.

Why don’t we change rooms, you ask? Because the hotel’s fully booked, we’re out all day and evening, don’t have time to negotiate with the hotel staff and aren’t sure what they’ll give us in exchange if we do. The one saving grace in the room is the background view from the window, a lush green that turns out to be a wall of invasive kudzu, but at least it’s more photogenic than the parking lot/highway backgrounds we’d have on the other side of the building.

Danna and I go upstairs, V installs the mic and we’re ready to begin.

(iPad screen shot taken later of raw interview video on my computer)

While Kyle tests the mic and tries to rearrange the lights, V runs downstairs to buy mineral water for Danna to have handy.

The set up’s not ideal, but the best we can do. Danna looks great on the monitor, without a speck of make-up. Let’s roll.

I refer to my notes for a lead-in and ask the first question.

Stop. Frequencies from Wi-Fi devices elsewhere in and around the hotel are bleeding into the audio. We can’t use what we just filmed. Kyle works some magic. Let’s roll. Ask the question again.

Bang clang bang. Somewhere someone is doing carpentry or plumbing? Stop interview, wait, start again.

Then loud voices, trash cans slamming, vacuum cleaners. Cleaning staff in the hall, V asks them to come back later, shuts the door to muffle the noise, and we roll again.

Miraculously Danna doesn’t lose her train of thought. We go through the questions and get her wise and informative answers.

Goodbyes, thank you’s, we’ll be in touch.

Cut to Paris, September: Chris and my partner Lewis export files Kyle uploaded on hard drive to Adobe Premiere on my computer, it bugs constantly, will have to get a new one. De-rush for hours, read through and correct transcript. Make sure I got the content I need. Early draft of synopsis and voice over.

Research stock material and family photos. How to tell the story in 2 minutes? Start lining up images. Listen to music. ID excerpts from interviews, cut down to minimum with most impact. Find other media. Rough demos on iMovie for Chris, to save time. Show to people for feedback. Appointment with lawyer for copyright advice. Copyright and licensing purgatory. One refusal, new drone footage from Dogwood to replace it. Plan captions, photo credits and end credits.

Keep going over trailer. Interviews good but Danna doesn’t look like herself. Overhead lighting casts dark shadows on her face when she turns her head. Can’t use the close-ups. Use wide shot only. Boost exposure? Still doesn’t do her justice. She’s not a Prima Donna so probably won’t be bothered by this, but I’m bothered. What can be done?

Now: working with Kyle and Chris to solve this before finalizing last details. Stay tuned.

Progress report: week of January 1-8

-Thanked life-long friend and new donor Laura for generous contribution

-Researched American Forest Foundation on tip from life-long friend Sherry, potential ally?

-Planned digital file storage reorganization on hard drives with Lewis

-Asked Lewis to save Dogwood Dropbox with new drone footage and stills to our Dropbox

-Chris did Back Up of new edits on SSD hard drive

-Lewis did BU on Master HD

-Integrated feedback from focus group done over the holidays, organized notes

-Wrote shorter “meaner” trailer to make if needed

-WeTransfer-ed new drone footage and iMovie demo for next edits to Chris

-Made list of next edits (V7!)

-Zoomed with Chris for V8, planned next steps, briefed him

-Chris finished and sent me V8, I viewed all versions to map out final steps

-Rewrote and timed new voice over

-Paid for licence and downloaded music from Universal Music and checked how they want it credited

-Wrote out final versions of captions, photo credits, end credits, and VO

-Do I want Ken Burns movement for stills?

-Still have to record new VO and send to Chris

-Ask him for his hours

-Meanwhile, earning a living, home/family stuff

Week of January 9-16

-Listened to Michelle Obama reading from “The Light We Carry” on BBC: “When they go low, we go high”

(Reminder to stay in integrity with my values)

-Telephone appointment with Dean of Forestry School on January 10. Did he and everyone on UGA Forestry staff have all the information about the sale? Was there a miscommunication? Were they misled by lawyers and financial officers? Make sure they have all the information, including the videos of Mr. Charlie they may not have seen. Do they have any idea I called and emailed the UGA foundation for 7 month before the sale was finalized, literally begging them to help me find a way to preserve the bequest? Is there any chance to move the mountain? Would be great to have allies on Board and faculty

-Went through my archive, pull out agreements signed by UGA and Mr. Charlie, letters from faculty, affidavits from friends and family to serve as reference during discussion

-Wrote 3-page script outline for phone appt w UGA to stay on track

-Confirmed appt

-45 minute phone call with Dean and Head of Development: Could they use their clout and contacts to preserve the bequest at this point in time? How much did the sale bring in and what are they doing with the money? Has there been a public announcement? If not, why not? Do they not want it to go public?

-Sent follow-up email with video links info and confirmation of requests for help

-Emotional exhaustion

-Recharged

-Emails with Kyle and Chris for Danna Smith visuals

To be continued….

For more information:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Video link:

Suspense in Holiday Paris (See You In ’23)


News: That whirlwind Copenhagen trip was fab but freezing and we were all sick.

I got off with a nasty cold cured by our jolly evening at the La Fontaine jazz club but Significant Other and son both tested positive for COVID days after our return to France. Suspense: how ill would they be? Would I get it? Would we have to isolate over the holidays and cancel all plans with our beloveds??

Meanwhile major logistics in home and guest quarters to receive family and friends. Some hadn’t seen each other for 3 years because the pandemic. A surprise deluge from the guest bath ceiling threatened to transform the space into a flooded construction site at the worst possible moment. Strategically placed recipients, negotiations with neighbors, plumbers, insurance companies and then miraculously, no more leak.

More suspense…

Due to extreme cold and airline meltdowns my grown-up child V spent 30 hours in transit trying to reach Paris from the US before Christmas. All Lufthansa flights were grounded in Munich until further notice so my hero husband booked a replacement flight on Air France and V finally arrived at midnight on Friday December 16 sans luggage. Emergency wardrobe had to be ordered online. After a week of calls to incommunicado Lufthansa, hours on hold, internet research, emails and reddit threads, the suitcase was retrieved from a warehouse outside the city, reminiscent of the one in the finale of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Vaccinations and new variants meant partner and son got through COVID faster than expected and both tested negative again just in the nick of time for V’s welcome home party on the solstice, distancing and masking up in the interim. 

Flurry of festivities: shopping, cooking, laundry, decorating the tree, visitors coming and going, V and Dad playing disc golf, all of us celebrating the parental wedding anniversary and other family victories at an elegant Parisian restaurant.

Braving the US mega storm, V’s partner arrived early on December 23rd. More airport hours waiting for baggage. Huge relief and best gift to have both of them finally here with us. A French bistro welcome dinner marked the occasion.

Next day, the young trio walked miles around the city and played escape games at a VR venue. Then a cozy dinner all together at home.

Christmas blast:

Long walks around the neighborhood and big conversations, personal and political.

Mouth-watering food, old and recent movies (from Die Hard to Glass Onion), a high-voltage (new for me) card game called Dutch Blitz, plus music, music, music of all kinds from old fave holiday classics to chill jazz, to (new for me) Funk band Vulfpeck, Brass House street band Too Many Zooz, and (how did I miss this before?) Zombie by Fela Kuti. Dancing, laughing, telling stories.

Recent lessons in global uncertainty have reminded us that these shared moments are too fragile not to cherish above all else while they last.

Then precious visitors departing, time to pack up, clean up, say goodbye and Godspeed until we meet again.

Suspense: In the midst of this IRL action, can film work move forward?

Yes. All copyright permissions are go except one that was refused. In the process I got some very strong drone footage from the Dogwood Alliance (dynamic environmental NGO, much more about them to come). This will more than replace the other visual and add drama to the preview. Now have to rejuggle and redesign around it. Demo-ing options to see what works.

Paid for the music license, waiting for green light to download and sync. Holidays = delays.

Made phone appointment with UGA Dean of Forestry for January. Will keep asking questions, maybe move the mountain?

But, caught in the end of year vortex, my ally/editor is moving house with 2 small children on school vacation plus TV work deadlines, not available.

I hope everyone is having a safe and warm holiday season.

Thank you all again and again for accompanying me on this inner and outer journey.

Stay tuned, see you in ’23.

More info:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Film Production International Networking (and more…)

If we’re connected on social media, you know I just spent 4 days in Copenhagen.

Why Copenhagen?

Several reasons:

Mr. Charlie’s Trees have occupied my thoughts since late 2019 when I decided to revisit my uncle’s story, digitizing video files, writing synopses, reaching out to producer contacts, South Georgia family and friends.Then COVID put a hold on everything. Then in July 2020, I learned of UGA’s plans to sell the bequest and the story became a full-time preoccupation. Ever since, my life has revolved around phone conversations and emails, first with the university, then with conservation groups, pro bono legal advisors, filmmakers, and travel companies, now my editor and assorted copyright-holding entities.

Even when I’m not in front of my computer or on the phone, Mr Charlie and his trees are still with me 24/7. I even dream about them, especially since I entered copyright purgatory for the trailer.  (see “Hello from Documentary Production Copyright Purgatory”)

Many hours of detective work have revealed that some of the outfits I contacted for permission to use their content didn’t answer me because they don’t own the copyright for the visuals they shared. I’ve had to track down the real owners, drum up contact info and keep hammering out requests until I get an answer. It has paid off in offers of better, more original material for the trailer. (But also more work and longer delays to redesign certain sequences.)

The music publisher audio library took 2 weeks to take action even after they granted me the music license and I sent back the paperwork. They said they didn’t receive that email or the follow ups.  Now to pay and get the green light to download the track I want to sync.

Really identifying with those noir film private eyes who’d rather sit in a car on a stake out than stare at their venetian blind-shadowed desks and not-ringing phones.

Ergo when my S.O. decided to fly to Copenhagen for the premiere of the Franco-Danish animated series he’s been producing the sound track for (day and night), I jumped on board with our son in tow. No ulterior motives, just craving a change of scenery and some family time, a fallow moment to recharge…

Couldn’t have asked for a better experience. The “Team Nuggets” screening was worth the trip, unique, funny, heart-warming, well-produced, about inclusivity, family, friendship, school, and growing up weird in a weird world.

It will be replacing the sacrosanct Disney franchise that’s occupied the Friday evening primetime kid programming slot in Denmark for decades (no-pressure!), then air on Canal+ Kids here in France in March. Later in the US.

Extra added bonus: seeing how seamlessly the French and Danish production teams work together and their mutual admiration, expressed in 3 languages: Danish, French and English.

At the after party, I celebrated with the blended teams, among them the French producer, a female dynamo striking out on her own after a career in a corporate media production.

Watching her glow with relief and satisfaction after 2 years of hard work was another inspiration. She answered my congratulations with a detailed genesis story about the project, connections that led to creating synergy, navigating funding labyrinths, endless grant application upgrades, outsmarting multi-lingual contract challenges, having to prove herself in a mostly macho broadcasting world, and all the doors that are now swinging open for her next projects…

She asked what I was working on and I filled her in. She provided some admin advice that will be useful down the line and volunteered to help me with contacts and funding gauntlets. Sweet!

Before we said goodbye, she introduced me to the Danish producer, another female powerhouse with numerous prestigious international credits to her name…

The rest of the time my body and soul got refreshed by bracing outdoor temperatures and ubiquitous Danish graciousness. In this nation of barely 6 million, ancestral culture is flourishing despite ever-present foreign influences. Almost everyone I met was so fluent in English that you would take them for native speakers and yet their language and values thrive in parallel, no apparent conflict. I admire them for morphing from their warrior past to more peaceful pursuits. Copenhagen is a business hub and the #1 green city in Europe. I’ve never seen so many cyclists even in freezing weather. (More about “green” energy, a subject of my film, in a future post.)

The holiday season is a perfect time to discover Denmark. It gets dark very early but Yule lights and decorations are everywhere, most often in the form of red and white hearts. Hand-braiding paper versions are a family tradition, so much so that you can’t buy them anywhere, you have to make them yourself.

We were fortunate to reunite with a dear French musician/animator friend and meet his Danish wife and little girls, who gave us an inside glimpse into local life. For example, elves are real in Denmark. They live among standing stones in the woods and also in people’s homes and cellars where they’re lovingly supplied with diminutive daily treats, and clean laundry. Red elf hats are everywhere and apparently, some adult Danes wear them at corporate Christmas parties as a pretext to misbehave.

We heard about the gourmet Danish specialty smørrebrød sandwiches but were too busy seeing the sights and buying stocking presents for the folks back home to locate them.

https://www.seriouseats.com/smorrebrod-introduction-danish-sandwich

Instead we had great French cuisine near our AirBnB, followed by Akvavit (Viking water)

and the next day, a gargantuan (Viking) breakfast:

Unexpected pleasure: fabulous Mads Sondergaard trio at La Fontaine, Copenhagen’s oldest jazz club, made famous by its nightly jam sessions that attract big names, such as Lady Gaga.

All this only 90 minutes from Paris by plane, via Copenhagen’s hospitable and well-choreographed airport.

We’ll be back.

And…thank you to our two new GFM donors, Margaret and Tina, whose generous contributions I received while in Copenhagen, such a cool surprise.

Joy to the world!

For more information:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

And:

Hello from Documentary Production Copyright Purgatory!

(Me with the tree that owns itself, Athens, Georgia, realizing how far I still have to climb…)

New documentary filmmakers rush in where angels fear to tread…

I write this as an American in Paris, where Intellectual Property is considered a basic human right, perhaps even more sacred than in the US.

As a writer and visual artist myself, I enjoy creativity as experimentation, poetic license and free association. Developing something new, I go with my instinct, brainstorm with myself and others, put together what looks-sounds-feels right, and censor myself as little as possible, but taking care not to plagiarize.

The same is true for the project I’m putting together now, a trailer for a documentary about my uncle, Mr. Charlie, his million tree- 1000-acre-bequest to the University of Georgia, their sale of it, and how we can act for climate justice.

And telling a real-life story means including other points of view.

My video will feature footage I’ve filmed myself, a few family photos, stock images, music, and for context…. some visuals created by others.

BTW, calling it a trailer, can be misleading. “Trailer” immediately suggests Hollywood, Cannes, movie theaters, TV news programs, talk shows with media VIP’s, full page adds in the press, PR firms and big marketing budgets. Mine will debut as a 2-ish minute self-produced, unmonetized video on my YouTube channel. As of today, I don’t have millions to spend.

Can you divine where this is going?

Let’s start with my first reality check, the music: Making a rough demo on iMovie to get a feel for the raw material and show my editor what I want it to look like, I synced a hit song about money by a famous band, just as a playful way to get started and add some rhythm. When I ran this by a musician/producer friend, he smirked and said, “Do you have $100,000? That‘s how much it will cost you.”

Hmmm. I wasn’t attached to that track anyway, a bit too snarky for the tone I wanted to set, and I kept hearing echoes of a beautiful classical piece my uncle played for me when I was little, very magical, with special meaning for me because he also gave me the antique vinyl, which I still have.

Easy-peasy, I thought. The score must be in the public domain due to the remote date of the composer’s demise. I’ll digitize and sync it. Right?

Just to be sure, I made an appointment with an attorney friend who specializes in music IP and copyrights. Bad news: The score is in the public domain, but the vinyl “master” is not and will not be until 90 years after the recording was issued! You can’t use it without permission.

What about a gorgeous version on YouTube, recorded in Hungary? The attorney informed me that one isn’t copyright-free either. What about the YouTube audio library proposed by its parent company Google? The copyright still belongs to the composer, said the lawyer, be careful if you want to share it on other platforms.

The plot thickens.

Finding who owned the copyright for the classical vinyl was a labyrinth. Companies and catalogs have been sold and renamed, difficult to figure out where to send an email, much less call. Reach out to Hungary for the YouTube version? How and in what language? A Hungarian music friend helped me track down the publisher’s website and online license request form, which thankfully was in English. I filled it out weeks ago and…am still waiting for an answer.

Fortunately, my attorney contact suggested a number of music publishers’ audio libraries that charge a licensing fee, sometimes reasonable, and guarantee copyright safety.

Because… more bad news: in the US, copyright infringement can incur huge penalties and legal expenses, sometimes in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Best case, your video or film can be taken down at the request of the copyright holder.

“What about sharing on social media,” I asked? Millions of people share and repost content every day. “That’s a gray area,” said the attorney, but do you want to take the chance? At least get an email permission to protect yourself.”

Me, now: trying to reach the next level of the copyright video game. Even with an outstanding NGO where I know some of the senior staff personally, who have offered me their content, it took weeks to process requests.

It’s very awkward because I’m sure I’m causing admin headaches in a world where everyone shares everything and no one wants to deal with extra paperwork.

Interesting perspective at a Thanksgiving dinner party, last week, where I met a young woman in charge of international marketing for a major Hollywood studio. The subject of copyrights came up between sips of champagne. She said part of her job is to field requests to use film clips from their blockbusters. When she announces that the licensing fee is $10,000 a minute, there’s a lull in the conversation. Then she says, “But go ahead and use it, we won’t sue you.”

And now some good news: I have obtained an affordable license from a major music publishing company to sync the classical piece I’m crazy about. That’s a victory. And… some of the stock footage I coveted from a government agency is copyright-free in my situation. Meanwhile, purchasing stock footage to download legally.

But:

Still waiting for answers from 2 environmental IG sites that may never come. Numerous emails, DM’s and phone calls.

Silver lining: all this information is very valuable and timely for another project I’m finishing up: a memoir about my teenage summer in pre-perestroika Russia and my return to Putin’s Russia for my son’s adoption. A written documentary!

Along with my own writing and photos, I had included quotes from letters, a translated favorite poem by a deceased Russian poetess, one photo by another photographer and some Cold War cartoon characters…

Guess what! All under copyright, all involving requests for permission from across the globe.

To be continued!

PS couldn’t find any sexy pictures of copyrights…










			

Welcome to Film Production Rabbit Holes!

My father Paul Terrell, on a horse-drawn disc harrow, 1930’s, family farm, South Georgia

Producing a film is a multidimensional mind-body mission, and very, as the French say, “time-devouring” (chronophage). Footage to create, find, and assemble with stills, sound recording and music mixing, endless copyright clearances, detailed credits. Funding and distribution… Dozens (perhaps hundreds?) of people in the communication loop.

Me now, learning the ropes: Editing the trailer is a process in itself. It’s moving forward, but still cuts to make, clearances to get and music to sync…

One of my interlocking rabbit holes:

Background research for Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees led me through surviving family photos to hundreds of stock images and websites about 20th century life in the South. The hardships were much greater than I thought and on a much larger scale.  I knew my family came through poverty but I didn’t realize their journey was a hologram of Southern US history.

Times were extreme, beginning with natural catastrophes: flooding in Alabama in 1909, then from 1910 to 1915 the entire cotton belt was infested by the boll weevil, an ugly beetle that gnawed away the cotton crop from inside, destroying thousands of acres, causing farms and related businesses to fail. 

http://www.encyclopediaofalabama.org/article/h-1435

Men went off to war in 1917, the year my uncle Charlie was born, and then the so-called “Spanish Flu” pandemic hit, just as Charlie’s parents and a group of their relatives were joining The Great Flux, millions of people, mainly Black, leaving Alabama looking for livelihoods elsewhere. 

Charlie’s father moved his wife, small children, and belongings by mule-drawn wagon and train to South Georgia. The deadly virus was moving back and forth with the migrants. Our immediate family recovered, but all around them, others were not so lucky, some losing 4-5 family members. My grandfather had to sell his mules to pay for the move and the doctor bills.

Georgia plunged into the Great Depression, 10 years before the rest of the country, in 1919.

The already dire situation was made worse by severe droughts beginning in 1924. Hundreds of thousands of farm workers and their families fled to other regions. Competition for jobs between Blacks and Whites aggravated racism and favored the Klan. From 1929-1932, the average GA farmer’s income went from $206 to $83/year. 

Dorothea Lange, Drought in Georgia, Library of Congress

My family stayed mostly in Georgia, sharecropping and farming, but my grandfather often traveled long distances for carpentry work to bring in extra money, leaving Charlie, a preteen eldest son, to manage the land and the animals. He eventually dropped out of school and ran away to the Navy.

Margaret Bourke-White, Boy Plowing, Have You Seen Their Faces, 1937.

President FDR witnessed these conditions first-hand when he traveled to Warm Springs, GA hoping to improve his health. He then mandated a series of special programs for the state but Georgia didn’t begin to recover until the economic boom following WWII.

Dorothea Lange, Farm Family, 1937, Library of Congress

(see also The New Georgia Encyclopedia, The Great Depression)

During the worst of the crisis, New Deal agencies engaged photographers to document social collapse and environmental devastation.

I’m especially admiring how Dorothea Lange and Margaret Bourke-White captured all this in their photography, seen above.

Thank you for reading!

Read more @GoFundMe Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

To be continued…

Aliss

Mr. Charlie Healing the Land

Hello friends and family,

I’m immersed in designing the film trailer. The images have a life of their own, I follow.

Challenge: tell the story visually in less than 2 minutes, spark interest, touch emotions, entertain. I hope to be able to show you soon. Amazing number of details. Reaching for focus and inspiration.

I demoed the first part and am now working with the editor. Thank you all for your donations, they will allow me to pay him.

Meanwhile here’s another short visit to Mr. Charlie’s world: healing the devastated land he later bequeathed to the University of Georgia.

So grateful to have captured all this on film. I love his voice, the way his mind works, his total osmosis with the place, a witness to history. Let me know what you think if you have a moment. More profiles of people and storytelling coming.

For more information:

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Thank you!

To be continued!

Mr. Charlie Georgia Film Crew (4)

Dayna Reggero, ally, inspiration.

One of the unforeseen marvels of my Mr. Charlie film adventure is discovering passionate, generous activists and artists devoting their lives to protecting people and the natural world. Dayna Reggero is one of these heroes.

My networking via MIT and the Dogwood Alliance led me to Dayna last January when I was looking for a videographer to film with me in Athens, GA in August. We transatlantic zoomed about Mr. Charlie and she wisely put me in touch with Kyle at Madlaw Media (see previous updates). 

For an immediate uplift, check out Dayna’s credentials and award-winning work:

At 19, she appeared with animals to talk about our shared environment on television. 

She partnered with Discovery Communications on her first film tour and then collaborated with the Sierra Club on the Emmy award-winning series Years of Living Dangerously.

She went on to study science communications, received her Bachelor of Arts and earned her Master of Science degree in environmental management and policy. 

Some of her films:

A short documentary, The Wood Thrush Connection following birders across borders, all connected by a common goal, to protect a beloved songbird.

The Climate Listening Project, an ongoing documentary series:

The Story We Want about women throughout the United States fighting back and winning against a culture of pollution and extraction.

Planet Prescription about COVID-19 stress on our health professionals and minorities, already struggling with the crisis in our health care system, with an additional air pollution and climate change pandemic sweeping the planet. “We know the prescription to heal, we just have to listen before it’s too late.”  See all at:

https://www.facebook.com/myclimatestory

She’s currently filming grass-roots climate justice groups standing between the Gulf Coast and its sacrifice to fossil fuel interests.

Gulf Coast Love

Woman’s Day Magazine showcased Dayna as an “Earth Mother: an Artist Activist who isn’t just fighting for cleaner air and water, but protecting a community’s most precious resources – its people.” 

Salon.com wrotes: “By trade, Dayna Reggero is an environmentalist. Her work ranges from filmmaking to… spokesperson. However, her most skilled work might come in the form of organizing conversations, or simply starting them. Dayna works locally to help protect the place and people at home while traveling the world to listen.”

Read:

Love Your Mother

A whole chapter about Dayna in Mallory McDuff’s new book on women working toward a viable future: 

Love Your Mother: 50 States, 50 Stories, and 50 Women United for Climate Justice. Available now via preorder: https://a.co/d/6DW4Iqu

‘These women are poets, physicians, climate scientists, students, farmers, writers, documentary filmmakers, and more–one from each of the fifty US states–as inspiration for a new kind of leadership focused on the heart of the climate crisis.’ 

Podcast:

https://speakingoftravel.buzzsprout.com/18461/10727314

Parting shot:

Self portrait

And in case you missed it:

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Me and Mr. C.

Mr. Charlie Georgia Film Crew (3)

Lewis Primo, himself

Shout Out/Team Intro 3: Lewis Primo, my fiancé, videographer and sound engineer on our first shoot about Mr. Charlie 30+ years ago in South Georgia and Tallahassee, Florida. Photos: Lewis setting up and lugging the equipment around Mr. Charlie’s forest, their mutual admiration, Lewis filming on the sailboat Mr. Charlie shared with Mr. Mel Tucker, Tallahassee Chief of Police.

Lewis and Mr. Charlie, forever
Shell Point, near Tallahassee, Florida

Lewis, what an act of true love! Borrowing this rig from professionals in France, training yourself to pilot it, hand-carrying it to Georgia via JFK NY, filming every day for a week to immortalize Mr. Charlie’s exploits: planting a million trees and bequeathing a thousand acres to the UGA Foundation in perpetuity. Thank you for helping me find the best flights, accommodations and car rentals for August NY- Athens-Atlanta-NY and all your tech advice! Without you we would not be able to preserve his legacy or share his persona and story…  A family affair! Thank you! Love!

GoFundMe:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

To be continued…

Mr. Charlie Georgia Film Crew (2)

Symbiosis with a Subaru

Shout Out/Team Intro 2:

Valentine Terrell-Monfeuga, award-winning sound designer and engineer, now reinvented as tech trouble-shooter, customer advisor and trainer with Bark.us, a new company that helps parents protect their kids online… you made the filming in Georgia smooth and fun. We wouldn’t have done as much or as well without you, the magic catalyst in all situations. Thank you for being a perfect seat mate on the flight and roommate at the slightly moldy Athens Holiday Inn, driving Atlanta to Athens and then all around campus endlessly wherever we needed to go. Thanks for assisting Kyle on audio recording, mic-ing me and our distinguished interviewees, making sure we had take out food and places to eat in the evening. Thanks for all your photos, especially the ones at the Tree That Owns Itself (that you found!) Smoked catfish, fried green tomatoes and okra tasted even better with you. Sandy Creek and Lake Lanier on our day off refreshed me…

You knew Charlie well and had the full-on South Georgia experience as a kid, swimming in the lakes he created, marvelling at the tree farm, hearing his stories, sitting by the fire at night listening to the frogs and watching the stars, swatting mosquitoes. Charlie took us on the glass bottom boat at Wakulla Springs among the alligators and canoeing at the Okefenokee swamp. (I will dig up the pictures).

When you first heard me mention this project you signed on and you were there 100% at a very busy time in your personal and professional life. Bravo, above and beyond the call of duty. To be continued xxxxx

Love you!

(More about our interviews coming soon.)

Mic-ing Danna Smith of the Dogwood Alliance
Assisting Kyle
Fried green tomatoes for two…

To donate:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

To be continued!

Mr. Charlie film adventure update

Kyle setting up


First: Shout-out/introduction to the team: attached are some pix of Mr. Kyle Maddux-Lawrence of MadLawMedia in Savannah, GA, our fabulous videographer, setting up his armada of lights, camera and audio equipment for our first interview at UGA and filming on the fly near the main entrance arch. You’ve already seen him in our day-one-after-work-dinner shot. Kyle’s an encyclopedia of everything film, both artistically and technically, fast and efficient, easy going, a pleasure to work with and talk to. Thank you Dayna Reggero for putting us in touch.
Second, everything is finally ready for the de-rushing to begin as the next move towards creating a trailer! It’s taken longer than expected for several reasons (a lot of tech details, Kyle and my French editor use different software for example, plus my 4-year-old Macbook Air hard drive is experiencing its Apple-planned obsolescence, meaning I have to get a new computer, change OS and meanwhile stay patient with bugs and shut downs). I wanted to write an outline for my ideal trailer before viewing all the footage and also prepare log sheets to ID sequences and time codes as I go along so I can access them faster when needed.

Third, had to pay the invoices and calculate the final budget. Film production is a luxury: just under $7,000 for 2 days of filming, travel, accommodations and car rental, etc. NY-GA-NY.

Day one after filming dinner, best team ever…

To be continued…

Mr. Charlie and the Tree That Owns Itself

In Athens, Georgia, USA, just down the hill from the main entrance to the University of Georgia…

In a quiet residential neighbourhood…

Stands The Tree That Owns Itself…

An ancient white oak stood 100 feet tall right here for hundreds of years until it fell in 1942…

The original tree was emancipated by its loving owner…

This is its child, protected as a revered resident of this city…

This is one millionth of what my uncle, Mr. Charlie, planted and dreamed before his bequest was sold by the University of Georgia Foundation…

I’m on a journey to save Mr. Charlies’s trees…

Looking up at this living symbol, I measure how far I and we still need to climb…

Can we have an emancipation proclamation fo our forests?

Can we keep more trees in the ground for our own survival?

This is Mr. Charlie’s story and our story, a feature length documentary coming soon…

Journey to Georgia

After Day One of intense investigative reporting and filming at UGA, Athens, GA, best crew ever: Valentine Monfeuga, Aliss Terrell, Kyle Maddux-Lawrence.

Thank you all again for keeping us in your thoughts during our journey to Georgia! I hoped for safe travel there and back, focus and inspiration, team synergy, making the right connections and exploring more ways to honor Mr. Charlie’s legacy. We had it all. Must-see images and must-hear words, tragic pages and heroes, good news and not yet good… It’s never over till it’s over. I’m flying from NY this evening, arriving in Paris tomorrow early am. Sorting through many photos and notes. This week I’ll download footage from several cameras onto a second hard drive for safety, then work with a pro editor to begin the process of transferring all files to an editing platform, putting in order and “de-rushing.” Then begin producing the trailer. Photos and info coming to keep you in the loop. Meanwhile some travel photos, Athens-Atlanta-NY. More than worth it.

To be continued…

Mr. Charlie Hugs The Beautiful Magnolia

In the previous video Mr. Charlie told how he reclaimed this ruined land and hand planted his pines with Miss Margaret. Here he takes us to The Beautiful Magnolia. Join us in the South Georgia forest: Mr. Charlie, L. Primo (film and audio), myself asking the questions. You can hear the leaves crackling underfoot, bird calls, almost smell the pine needles and feel the cool December wind, brushing away stray branches as we go. For Mr. Charlie, this magnolia, like all of his pines and bald cypress, was a sentient creature, not an inanimate object… Notice his expertise with the use of prescribed fire.

What will happen to these trees with UGA selling the bequest?

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees, GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

To be continued…

True love and trees…

Thank you, merci, everyone who came on board my GoFundMe this week!

We’re moving towards the 1/3 mark and getting closer and closer to the filming dates…

Photo of newlyweds Mr. Charlie and Miss Margaret, on their first trip to see his parents in Grady County, GA, circa 1945. Sadly, they were not able to have children of their own, so they fostered my cousin Terry and me when our folks were having difficulties. The land, their animals and the hundreds of thousands of trees they planted together were their children and their life’s work.

From the collection of Dan Brinson with my thanks.

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

More to come…

PS Charlie must have been about 28 in this picture, leaving the Navy, right before he started working on his High School equivalency in New York City. The following year he was accepted at MIT and graduated as a Civil Engineer in 1951. Not bad for a drop out from the Deep South.

A still from the future film:

Mr. Charlie and His Million Trees

Mr. Charlie reciting “The Guitarist Tunes Up,” By Frances Darwin Cornford

Here is a still from the future film: Charlie reciting a love poem on his land (See text below). Thank you thank you, merci, everyone who joined the GoFundMe “Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees,” this week, everyone who is sharing the information on social media and in emails! The most important thing is getting the story out there to make its own connections! Transportation, accommodations, videographer and equipment have been reserved for the filming in Georgia in August. Send us good vibes for the weather (hurricane season!) and the airlines…. We have more than 1/4 of the goal! More updates to come. It’s happening❤️

The Guitarist Tunes Up

With what attentive courtesy he bent

Over his instrument;

Not as a lordly conquerer who could

Command both wire and wood,

But as a man with a loved woman might,

Inquiring with delight

What slight essential things she had to say

Before they started, he and she, to play.

(By Frances Darwin Cornford, granddaughter of naturalist Charles Darwin).

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Thank you for helping save Mr. Charlie’s trees

Charlie and me on location for the documentary

Thank you, merci, everyone who came on board this week, tous ceux qui sont montés dans le bateau cette semaine❤️To qualify for grants, avant de prétendre à des subs, I have to invest my own money, je dois investir moi-même, which I am doing, ce que je fais, AND, ET, your support carries me forward, votre soutien me porte en avant. Charlie loved the land he reclaimed, Charlie aimait la terre qu’il a régénérée, and the trees he planted by hand, et les arbres qu’il a plantés à la main:

Mr. Charlie Terrell, who rose from extreme poverty to plant a million trees…

Mr. Charlie Terrell telling the story of these pines, how he and his wife Margaret bought the abused over-farmed land, reclaimed it and planted the seedlings by hand from the back of a tractor. His love for the land and the trees and his knowledge of forestry are inspiring. Charlie intended for this land to be managed sustainably as a tree farm in perpetuity and bequeathed it to the University of Georgia Foundation for this purpose. The University sold the land to big timber in 2020-21 without making any provisions for its preservation. Of course, the realities have changed in the past 30+ years. With climate change accelerating, it is no longer enough to plant, harvest and replant. These are the themes of my film.

GoFundMe link: https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

More to come!

Saving Mr. Charlie’s Trees:

People are asking me about my next film and how to participate. I’ve set up a Go Fund Me to tell the story, welcome your feedback and donations. Watch the short teaser here:

To donate:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

My name is Aliss Terrell and I’m raising funds to pay for a journey to save Mr. Charlie’s trees. I’m US writer and filmmaker, now based in Paris, France. Charles Terrell was my uncle and a second father to me, a dirt-poor southern dropout who rose from extreme poverty to plant a million trees and create a 1000-acre tree farm that he bequeathed to the University of Georgia Foundation, to be managed sustainably in perpetuity. Unfortunately, the Foundation began selling off the bequest in 2020, to timber interests among others. I’m documenting this on film, traveling with Valentine Monfeuga to the UGA campus to interview representatives of UGA, the Foundation, and environmental activists and explore ways to honor and preserve this bequest. Watch the video above, catch Charlie’s Bio and a synopsis of the upcoming documentary here:

Mr. Charlie, as he was called, was my father’s older brother and a huge presence in my life. I captured his story and persona on film during one of our summer visits just before he planted his millionth seedling. Eldest son of a backwoods preacher-carpenter-share cropper, he was an adventurer who lived for the sea, opera, poetry, gin and love, with only one true religion: trees.

Charlie was born in 1917 in Coosa County, Alabama, when the Deep South was still reeling from the Civil War. Fleeing the Boll Weevil and Spanish flu, his family migrated to South Georgia looking for better prospects. Charlie grew up there against a backdrop of economic hardship and hellfire fundamentalism. When he was 12, his father took a carpentry job far away, leaving Charlie the heavy responsibility of managing the fields and farm animals. To earn extra money for the family, Charlie worked on big holdings whenever he could. It was a hard life. As a teen in the early 1930’s, Charlie left school and ran away to join the Navy. Serving in what he called the “Banana Fleet.” He discovered Latin America and poker, while training to accomplish his childhood ambition of becoming a master deep-sea diver. Towards the end of WWII, he suffered a serious injury on an underwater salvage mission and was sent home, beginning another metamorphosis.

Back in the States, he married Miss Margaret, the love of his life, earned his high school equivalency in one year at a New York City prep school, was accepted at MIT and in 1951, received his civil engineering degree with credits in soil mechanics, all on the GI Bill.

During the post-WWII economic boom, he had a successful career on salvage and infrastructure projects, but the environmental devastation caused by unchecked commercial development wore him down. In the mid 1950’s, he quit, returned to his home town, and bought a cabin in the middle of a swamp. He began buying up parcels of land abused and eroded by over-farming. He and Miss Margaret planted the first of many trees to reclaim and restore the soil. They took turns driving the tractor and placing the seedlings in the furrows.

This is where my path and Charlie’s crossed. My dad, Charlie’s youngest brother, was a Korean War vet with PTSD, often hospitalized. Charlie and Margaret, who couldn’t have children of their own, took me in and I experienced their world. Charlie read me poetry after chores in the evening and played his favorite operas for me. A life-long bond was formed.

Miss Margaret lost her battle with cancer in 1980, sending Charlie into a deep depression. In time his own health deteriorated and he was no longer able to be the land steward he once was. He passed away in 2003 at the age of 86.

At a time when reforestation is a necessity for our survival, Charles Terrell is one of the world’s unsung eco-heroes. With his bare hands, he  reclaimed exhausted over-farmed land, creating lakes and planting trees, ultimately bequeathing a 1000-acre tree farm and wildlife refuge to the University of Georgia Foundation. In April 2020, the Foundation began selling off the land, promising to use the profits to fund environmental fellowships. Will they keep their promise?

I’ve become involved in pursuing conservation easements to preserve the bequest. I’m developing a documentary to trace Charlie’s hero journey, a uniquely American story, its potential positive outcomes and hopes for our global future, narrated in his own unique voice and mine, expanded by interviews with international conservation experts and activists for climate justice. An immersive, authentic, thought-provoking human saga, it asks important questions and provides inspiration for the future.

The documentary will highlight the Dogwood Alliance and its role as a champion of Southern forests and climate justice, feature interviews with activists from front-line communities bearing the effects of the pellet industry and deforestation in the south while raising support to save Southern forests and old growth forests everywhere—a galvanizing message from these new land stewards for young people and everyone frozen in climate anxiety. For an international perspective, I will also include interviews with European climate activists and forest advocates.

Will the bequest be broken up and developed? Sacrificed to industrial logging? This case is only one aspect of a much larger problem. As compelling as my uncle’s intentions were, they are the “old face” of conservation, part of an economic model that is no longer viable in a system of social and ecological imbalance we must change.

We as individuals can accomplish much and if we come together. We can invent new economic models to meet the unprecedented challenges of our time.

To donate:

https://gofund.me/86ea6cc2

Even small donations are welcome!

Thank you!

Brooklyn/The Making Of: Sometimes a song can break a curse (or two)

Brooklyn awards

Moving forward on my next film, a longer documentary, I want to thank everyone for supporting my short film Brooklyn. You’ve given me energy to continue. Brooklyn has been honored at numerous festivals (see below) and won awards for Best Narrative Short, Best Editing and Best Music Video. I’ve learned so much.

People have asked for more information about the process, so here is The Making Of…

The film, if you haven’t seen it yet:

Pictured above: my grandmother Roxie with her father, Walter, taken early in the 20th century.

Maybe if I had really looked at this picture as a child, I would have understood her better. Unfortunately, we weren’t  close when she was alive. Literally “straight-laced” in a corset until her dying day, she seemed out of touch with her own body and modern life, a relic of the past, everything I rebelled against as a teenager.  It didn’t help that I had to share a bedroom with her for five years when I was a pre-teen and teen, which was torture (for both of us). She passed away when I was 17 and honestly, I was too busy living to miss her then, but life has a strange way of taking us around in spirals until we learn what we’re supposed to learn. Or we don’t, and the next generations inherit the mysteries.

I never really thought much about Roxie until I ran into a wall as a younger woman.  I had made several of my dreams come true, exploring the world and making a living  as a singer in Paris, but my relationships were a mess and it looked like I’d never have a family. Lying down on a psychiatrist’s couch would have felt like submitting to antiquated patriarchy, so to clean up my act, I turned to more holistic forms of self-exploration based on body work, imagery, and story telling. This led me to research my birth and family tree as a way to reconstruct myself from scratch, the idea being that old secrets are like short circuits in our aliveness and unlocking them glues our broken pieces back together so we can become our truer selves. I realized there were blanks in our family history, especially on the female side. Was that why I didn’t feel fulfilled as a woman?

I’d always heard that grandmother Roxie was an orphan. Her mother had died when she was born and her father took her to be fostered by her childless aunt Emma, who pushed little Roxie aside when she unexpectedly had a daughter of her own. Roxie’s father died when she was 12. Because Roxie had not felt loved, she was not affectionate herself. She looked stern in all her pictures as a mature woman and had confided to her daughters that marriage meant “conjugal duties,” endless childbearing and household chores. In my eyes Roxie was the epitome of downtrodden, unhappy womanhood.

But was there more to the story? I needed to find out.

When I interviewed my mother about my birth, it opened a floodgate of details about herself and all the other women in our family tree, things no one ever talked about, taboo subjects for those times, limiting them and their self-worth, casting what people used to call “a curse.”

I found out my mother Ruth was stillborn and my grandmother Roxie almost bled to death giving birth to her. It was a case of placenta previa, a death sentence back in the days of home birth, with a doctor in attendance if you were lucky.  My grandmother started haemorrhaging before my mother was even delivered and when she did emerge she was pronounced dead and placed on the floor wrapped in newspaper while the physician tried to save my grandmother. A female relative in the room saw my mother kicking off the newspapers, said “That’s the livest dead baby I ever saw!” and scooped her up. Miraculously, baby and mother both survived, but what a way to come into the world! As an adult, my mother then had a fraught relationship with her body and many difficulties getting pregnant, which resulted in a diagnosis of sterility. In this context, my arrival was very complicated, a long story for another time.  Let’s just say I knew when I heard the details that I had work to do if I wanted to have a family myself. Among other things I had to go back in time and reframe my grandmother’s story, view her as a survivor rather than a victim, so I could do the same for myself.

My mom showed me an old clipping she’d kept in the attic, it was Roxie’s mother’s obituary. “Miss Blanche Johnson left her job… for Brooklyn, where Mr. Walter Crossthwaite’s position indicated a happy prosperous fate…” Somewhere in our home there had always been a beautiful picture of my grandmother as a little girl, in a long white dress, but I had never been curious before. I found it and engraved the image along with the words from the clipping in my heart. They turned into my song Brooklyn, about that beautiful little girl appearing and setting me free.

I was able to find my partner and have our Valentine (with help from the medical establishment). This was an amazing victory and a blessing. The curse was unlocked, at least on one level: I became pregnant again but had a miscarriage and couldn’t conceive. Another wall. A deeper level to the curse? More research needed.

put out the word on the family grapevine. My aunt Peggy got in touch to say she had an old family album to show me, but she lived hundreds of miles away from the rest of my East Coast family, in the Endless Mountains of Pennsylvania (a real place). So my partner and I arranged a road trip there with Valentine and for the first time, I saw vintage photographs of my grandmother Roxie as a tiny baby, pictures of her parents Blanche and Walter as newlyweds, and all their relatives. During our visit, I found out that my aunt Peggy’s daughter, my cousin Kim,  was adopting a little boy in Russia. That connection led to finding our son Ivan there three and a half years, and many bureaucratic battles, later. 

All this kept me very busy, leaving little energy for music.

My song, Brooklyn, was not a hit with my record company, but got picked up for a popular French TV series, Sous le Soleil. Thanks to years of reruns, the song title kept popping up on my royalty statements like a wink from my grandmother.

I uploaded the track to a music platform in 2012 and it has been my most streamed and downloaded song on the internet (sometimes without crediting me). More and more pictures and stories of Roxie kept surfacing, especially when my parents downsized: Roxie as a yeomanette during WWI, among the first women to ever serve in the military. Living on her own, away from family, she met her future husband who had also just joined the Navy. The war ended before they were mobilized. They married and Roxie became a housewife, but she had been an independent working girl for a time, then had five children and pulled them through the Depression and WWII to adulthood. I began to imagine her in a different light, as a hero rather than a martyr, and I could do the same for myself with love and thanks to my beautiful grandmother and all the women in our line. I understand her remarks about marriage and childbearing as a reflection of her time. She was right to want more!

Meanwhile, recording came back into my life when some British musician friends invited me to sing “Margaritas at Midnight”. Rethinking the lyrics from a female perspective, it made it a playful vignette I turned into a music video in 2019. Casting my partner, Lewis, as Margarita God and working with audiovisual genie Krysed was a blast. Selected at music festivals in Paris and the UK, it got thousands of Youtube views, whetting my appetite for more filmmaking. With time on my hands during confinement, I taught myself how to use Final Cut Pro and drew a storyboard for “Brooklyn,” which had been in the back of my mind for a long time.

Recipe for a video:

Through the musician grapevine, I heard about websites that generate images to music. You could upload your MP3 along with keywords and technical options such as speed, lighting, lenses, filters, atmosphere… and you’d get visuals. Of course I jumped in and experimented. The first results were a mish-mash of random snippets completely unrelated to my song: Tex Avery animation, a gymnast moon-walking, someone falling into a pool, etc. I deleted those and tried again, focusing on key lyrics: moon, 1900, Brooklyn, love, little girl. This is when things got interesting. There was still a lot of irrelevant stuff, obviously selected by an algorithm: from a Beyoncé concert to guys playing basketball, to an Adam Sandler press conference, to a girl removing her bikini on a beach, to 70’s concert footage, to Leonardo di Caprio in Wolf on Wall St, to a kid falling off a skateboard…But along with it were eclipses, Apollo 11 shots and vintage re-colored films that were vaguely familiar, but unidentified… I repeated the experiment and got more test videos with weird and wonderful stuff. Hours on Final Cut allowed me to weed out the garbage and keep the pearls, intertwining visual threads.

I researched stock photo databases and selected shots of 1900’s Brooklyn, Gibson girls, and my grandmother’s hometown, Bellefonte, PA.

I scanned and inserted old family photos.

On my iPhone, I shot an antique candlestick on a midnight blue-sequined background, with and without family portraits.

On a hunch, I researched French magician and film pioneer Georges Méliès and confirmed that the vintage sequences selected by the algorithm were excerpts from his films, A Trip to the Moon, Fairyland, or the Kingdom of the Fairies, The Spider and the Butterfly, The Vanishing Lady, The Astronomer’s Dream, or the Man in the Moon .

They all related poetically to the scenario and gave me a fascinating initiation into cinema history as a bonus. However the clips provided by the algorithm were so pixellated I couldn’t use them. Instead, I downloaded better copies from YouTube, enhanced the resolution and cut them in.

To make the different threads more coherent, I used a video effects tool to add sepia tones to all the vintage family and stock photos, saturated and color matched the Apollo and Meliès footage.

Weeks of editing, synchronizing and adding titles later, Brooklyn the film was ready.

This song broke 2 curses for me, won awards and set me on the road to making my next film, a documentary entitled A Man and a Million Trees.

Festival honors…more to come…

 

Screenshot 2022-06-12 at 22.58.00

Ukraine, Russia, the World and Us

Breathe

I’m writing from Monet’s waterlily infinity room at the Orangerie museum in Paris. If you’ve never been here, there are two long elliptical rooms connected by curving arched passage ways, forming a perfect flowing figure 8. Soft natural light filters down through a layer of gauze from matching skylights. Each room has a long oval seat in the center, virtual islands in the lilypond at the Giverny gardens. 

Monet painted these enormous canvasses to form surround screens, imagining and donating this space to the French nation at the end of WWI, the war to end war, as a meditation on peace. I find this especially moving because he accomplished all this as he was losing his sight. Aligned with the sun’s passage over Paris at the tip of the Tuileries gardens beside the Seine, on a plateau overlooking Concorde square, the Champs-Élysées and the Eiffel Tower, it’s a secular sanctuary, a place to resonate with forces above human concerns. I come here to breathe when the weight of the world feels crushing. Right now, it’s lunchtime, very few visitors, they’re quiet: rare serenity. I need some.

Since I woke up to headlines about Putin’s invasion of Ukraine on February 24th, my life has been flashing before my eyes, a jolting Nyet-Da, love-not-love, three-way tango with the Russian people and their leaders. The short version:

My father was a very young Navy medic during the Koran War. I have a snapshot of him posing in his MASH unit with a captured Russian machine gun. I’ll never know exactly what happened to him there because he never recovered and took his own life when I was too little to wonder, but it had something to do with enemy Reds. By chance, before his death, a family friend enrolled me in her experimental kindergarten where I started learning Russian (and French) at age 4. Then we moved and my only contact with alien cultures was scary Cold War TV news, but something had imprinted very deeply. When I took Russian just to complete a language requirement in college, my grades skyrocketed and I was offered a full National Defense Foreign Language Scholarship to study in what was then Leningrad. The DOD was grooming potential intelligence operatives.

My first encounter with real Russian people and their stories at age 18 was a shock and a revelation. I knew the facts and figures, but had never measured how much they had suffered in the 20th century and before, how many people there dreamed of peace. This was not an easy message to transmit home. While there, I spent time in Moscow and several major cities in the western Russian SSR. I also visited the Estonian SSR on the Baltic, the Georgian SSR In the Caucasus and the Ukrainian SSR on the Dniepr, where Russian was the language we used to create friendships. I wanted to build bridges between our worlds, possibly through teaching or translating.

After graduation I declined invitations to join the intelligence community and instead accepted a Fulbright for research on an emigre writer in Paris, which led me to a distinguished literary family from pre-revolutionary Saint Petersburg that I lived with while working on my Masters at the Sorbonne. I traveled to Moscow twice during my studies, met dissidents and was interrogated at the border on my way back to Paris for smuggling forbidden samizdat poetry. The writer who had entrusted his manuscript to me was exiled to Solovki, north of Arkhangelsk. Clearly, I was no match for the Brezhnev regime. I gave up on the Soviet Union and escaped into music where I met my French husband and turned the Russian page forever, or so I thought.

Then Chernobyl. The USSR began to dissolve. The iron curtain parted. An interest in holistic psychology took me back to Moscow for a breathwork conference, where I found out about an upcoming Citizens’ Diplomacy Summit. My husband and I attended it with an American group led by fearless peace activist Rama Vernon (who negotiated the complex travel arrangements with grim Soviet bureaucrats while breast feeding her youngest child). My husband and I met people from all walks of life and were invited to dinner at the House of Poets by Ukrainian author Igor Shkliaryevsky, whose talent, warmth and love of France were unforgettable. He asked me to publicize his film about the plight of people in the radioactive exclusion zone with French media. I promised to do so and also put together a joint venture production to shoot a satirical music video on Red Square, “Life is Kife” (“The Good Life,” in English with a Russian accent). 

Back in Paris, I introduced the Russian video producer to potential co-producers here. Future projects began to take shape. Then unexpected motherhood for me and violent rivalries following the coup in Russia made me back off again…until I found out there were a million children in Russian orphanages and my heart went out to a little boy near St Petersburg. My language background made the individual adoption possible and he is now our 18-year-old son. My dream of building bridges seemed to be finally coming true. We connected a network of friends from Russia to the US and back and have all been doing everything in our power, however awkwardly, to mediate and create lasting bonds that might somehow forestall confrontation. For a moment, partnerships and alliances seemed viable.

Scholars and politicians are debating the calculations and miscalculations that have brought us to where we are now, cut off again by this sickening invasion, an unspeakable tragedy for Ukraine, for Russia, for the world, for me and my family.

Some blood curdling thoughts: what if we hadn’t found our son and brought him home? What if this had happened during our adoption and put an end to the process all together? Would he be one of the young conscripts shelling Ukrainian civilians? What about all the families and children who are being kept apart now?

How is it possible that a people indelibly scarred by the 5+ month Battle of Stalingrad and the 900-day Siege of Leningrad can destroy and lay siege to cities in Ukraine? In the wake of the pandemic, a lot of theories about trauma are floating around right now, about past pain fragmenting memory and triggering irrational actions in the present. Heaven knows Russia, Ukraine and Europe have endured enough indescribable hardships to propel actions and reactions now. What about the US? Was 9-11 the trauma that sparked our recent 20 years of hostilities? Is this the meaning of Karma? Unresolved sufferings that self-perpetuate forever?  Is there a way to break the cycle? Will peace ever be possible? 

As separate realities polarize our country, I’ve seen articles about how to bridge gaps and break stalemates with adversaries in our own circle and wider population. Can these techniques be applied to international relations? Can there be empathy, study of the other’s history and values, actual listening?

Breathe… Follow the colors in the first waterlily room through the morning hours, reflecting in calm waters from sunrise to day, from yellows, oranges and browns to pinks, turquoises and greens. Immerse in the slightly different mood of the second room, a long soothing twilight…

Commentators predict Ukraine rising from the ashes, rebuilding shattered lives, Russia in decline, returning to deprivation and isolation. Will it democratize or disintegrate? Is it wise to wish for instability within a huge nuclear super power? Will Europe re-arm to the teeth and stall climate action? The Sierra Club predicts more fracking, coal burning, drilling, deforestation, giant containers of frozen US methane gas moving across the Atlantic to the European market. Will war with Russia really solve anything in the US?

All my life I’ve fought against despair and fatalism, distilling that rebellion into a song called “Da Tango” (in Russian with an American accent) and a book I’ve been writing about my search for peace with Russia. For my children, my family and friends from Ukraine, Russia, the US and around the world, I want to keep believing bridges can be built someday.

To be continued…

Happy COVID New Year 2 in Paris

Zat you 2022?

December 31st New Year’s is an artificial deadline established relatively recently by European calendar enthusiasts… but why not celebrate our trips around the sun and sync chronologies of our shared memories?

Everyone I know knows someone with COVID. So far it hasn’t touched my immediate family. Rumor has it that infectiologists at NIH see a weakening of the pandemic in the less horrific symptoms of Omicron. Meanwhile France is registering 200,000 new cases a day, as much as the entire US, and hospitals are again saturated.

What’s next? We never knew the answer to that question of course, but we lulled ourselves with projections and probabilities… In case we needed a reminder, nothing is certain but uncertainty. We can hope and dream. Life is what happens when we do that. Perhaps our hopes and dreams create a path across uncertainty, enabling us to seize hunches and opportunities that orient our journeys?

How can we make resolutions in this context? An attempt: Let us cherish every moment, take nothing and no one for granted, do everything possible to stay healthy and protect those around us, do everything we can to promote and protect quality healthcare for all, respect the natural world, become good stewards, love.

Happy New Year from Paris!

Aliss

Merry COVID Christmas 2 in Paris Compilation

Café with oyster stand

Merry Covid Christmas 2! Concentrating on all the good things, family and friends even if we can’t all be together, cooking, decorating, listening to music and singing along. Every ornament has a story and a memory, kids growing up, elders passing on… Zoom present-opening and virtual hugs.

One of our blessings is living in this toy Parisian village, especially wonderful at this time of year. Here’s some Christmas art from Avenue Secretan to spread some cheer as we await the next episodes in this confusing and confounding COVID saga…

Holiday lights sponsored by the local merchants
Bakery art in one if our 5 bakeries
Chocolate art
Italian Deli art
Floral Art
Veg and fruit art
Cheese art
One of our 3 butcher shops

Took a walk around the block last night enjoying the holiday lights in the shops and over the streets, regretting that café window paintings had become a thing of the past, but no, there is still someone out there practicing this rare folk art! Don’t miss this place, at the corner of Avenue Jean Jaurès and rue Bouret, I think it’s the Café du Conservatoire, there’s a lot to see on the terrace. Will keep searching and post what I can find.

Café art 1
Café art 2
Café art 3
Cozy Bar Ourcq on the canal
More bakery art

Wishing everyone joy and warmth, blessings to count, rebirth of the light in and around us…

Decorating our tree with feline support

To be continued!

xxxxxx

Sunset of the Year

Sunset, by Ruth Pearson

Summer’s come and gone. A month in NY, upstate and Manhattan, family, friends, swimming, juicy farm stand fruits and veg, cruising on country roads, a city weekend, sunshine, heat, humidity, downpours, electrical storms.

Also the first August without my mother. Sorting through the last remnants of her belongings, I found the painting pictured above, one I’d never seen before. At first glance, I didn’t get it. It’s much darker than anything else she painted. As we puzzled over it, my sister said that on one of her visits to my parents when they lived in Las Vegas, she attended one of Mom’s art classes and saw her working on this. Mom had spent a lot of time on it and consulted with her art teacher at length. Knowing mom’s artistic process, she was probably working from a photograph, I have no idea where it was taken. For sentimental reasons, I took this canvas along with some other apparently unfinished ones. It was only when I stood it up against a mirror in my big upstate AirBnB bedroom, where I could see it at a distance in the light of different hours of the day, that I saw the depth of orange and turquoise perspective beyond the nuances of black, gray, green, purple and brown, sunbursts breaking through the foliage. So many layers, so much energy. It’s become one of my favorites, especially now as the year turns towards winter and a (temporary but sobering) dying of the light.

I always look forward to my Franco-American Autumn here in Paris: catching up with my witty friends over coffee, crisp temps, chameleon leaves, wool sweaters, decorating and celebrating for the big holidays, candles and fireplaces, infinite choice of squashes and pumpkins, rich recipes with creamy sauces. But first I have to overcome the drag of jet lag + La Rentrée, readjusting to work and school schedules, admin chores, more sedentary time indoors, and the hardest thing, distance from my US loved ones. Nothing can replace summer get togethers, talking and laughing at very meal, hiking around mountain lakes, sailing on the Hudson. Of course, my US dear ones have their own real lives to get back to, too…. All this here-there-nowhere confused discomfort has manifested as a nasty cold. The remedy: admire the sunset of the year and fall in love with Paris Fall again…

July 2021, Callings

Learning safe fire building and camp skills

If you had seen me as a 9-year old Girl Scout from hell, you might not have believed how my life would turn out. I wouldn’t have.

It should have been fine. I had spent hours leafing through an antique Girl Scout Handbook found in our attic, studying all the activities. You mean I could get badges for stuff I did anyway, like taking care of my dog and cat, helping my mom with cooking? You mean I could learn about photography, journalism, the outdoors, first aid, drama…?

I’d tasted some of their cookies, too, and wanted more. I must have begged my mother because before I knew it I was being dropped off at a house in our suburban DC neighborhood, a bit early, waiting for the other girls to arrive so the meeting could start. It didn’t go as I imagined. I knew no one in the chattering circle of fourth graders who all knew each other, maybe from their class at school? I didn’t know how to fit into a conversation with them or with the two adult women who seemed out of their depth. I couldn’t wait for my mom to pick me up.

Still I was excited when I got my uniform, even if it was boring green and scratchy. At the next meeting we were given boxes of cookies to sell and I was excited until I realized I had to ring doorbells on my street, show the boxes to adults and ask them for money. Returning the cookies was not an option. I procrastinated so long that my mom had to buy all the cookies herself, so I could hand in some money.

Then things went from iffy to bad… I attended another meeting where the leaders told us we were going to spend a day in the woods. They told us about poison ivy and bug bites and gave us instructions for individual home made camp stoves to heat our food in the outdoors. That was intriguing. We had to get a large flat, empty tunafish can, strips of torn cardboard to wind inside it, a piece of string to put in the center for a wick and fill it with melted paraffin wax. My mom was a good sport and helped me assemble all the ingredients. I couldn’t wait to cook outside!

I was dropped off again at a parking lot near a wooded area. From there our group took off for a long hot buggy hike on a path through underbrush to a shady clearing with a picnic table. I’m not sure what we were cooking, but I was thrilled to light my camp burner. I’ll never fully understand what I did next. I see myself lifting my right elbow and placing my bare right forearm directly on top of the scalding wax, then howling as I looked at the red concentric circles I had blistered into my own flesh. I don’t know how the adults got me out of the woods and called my mother or how I got home. Looking back as an adult, I think I started getting anxious when my mother’s car disappeared and I was led farther and farther away from the parking lot. Maybe I was afraid I’d never see my mother again? The leaders couldn’t have known that my father had just died in horrible circumstances, I was emotionally vulnerable, to put it mildly, and my mom was coping as best she could. Was self-harm a way to get back to her and not be separated again? In any case that was the end of my early scouting career, by unanimous decision. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I belong?

It was easy to wipe the incident from my memory when I became a teenager and scouting was not cool, anyway. I hadn’t missed anything, scouting was corny right? I even went so far as to raise my eyebrows disapprovingly when a close friend in college went on sailing trips with her old scout troop. (Forgive me, Janet!)

Fast forward to marriage and motherhood in Paris, France. After years of speaking only French with my partner and friends, I suddenly found I could only speak rusty English to my baby daughter. Far from my family with no English-speaking accomplices, I was completely isolated in my new role, very envious of the African mamas in their bright print dresses and turbans who gathered in our local parks to laugh and talk as their kids dug in the sandboxes and climbed on the playground equipment. Thank heavens a visitor from the US told me about an anglophone mothers’ support network that arranged playdates by area, even here in the 19th. It was a sanity-saver, meeting other moms and chatting while helping each other with the kids. Nevertheless, my daughter entered our local pre-school and came home everyday speaking only French. At one English-speaking mom meet-up, a new acquaintance mentioned USA Girl Scouts Overseas. Our little ones were now old enough to become “Daisies”, so we signed them up.

Things got off to an awkward start. We schlepped across the city to the American Cathedral where our troop was granted access to a window-less, airless basement room with a table and several rattling soda machines. Our troop leader had two children, was pregnant with her third, had never wanted to be leader in the first place and gradually disappeared. The rest of us did our best to fill in. No one wanted to take full responsibility for all the communication and get even more over-whelmed. We met there and in people’s homes over the year, teaching the girls songs, doing crafts, celebrating Halloween, Thanksgiving and Saint Patrick’s day, basking in Americana, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue. It was very time and energy-consuming, especially when I started back to work.

I kept going because the girls had a blast and got a standing ovation at the annual Songfest:

Songfest 1998: Spice Girls Cover “If You Wanna Be My Daisy”

That Spring, when weather improved, an outdoor meeting was arranged by more advanced troops to prepare us newbies for the end of year apotheosis, “Camp Out.” Our little Daisies were mesmerized by the older girls demonstrating beginner camp skills and first aid, in English no less. They were only a few years farther along, but they seemed so grown up! We were all inspired and impressed. Excitement started to build.

On a bright and sunny Saturday in June, I drove two 6-year-olds, mine and her friend from the 19th, to Jambville, the French scouting center in a beautiful village about 45 minutes NW of Paris. We were entranced by the Chateau and its 100-acre wood (like in Winnie the Pooh).

Jambville Castle

There were wild flowers everywhere, the air was intoxicatingly sweet and fresh after months in the city. When we got to our camp site, we learned our troop leader was not coming and had sent her Iranian husband instead. She didn’t want to be there and he wanted to be there even less. Someone had borrowed an “8-man” tent. There were 13 of us: 5 adults and 8 kids. There was no fly sheet, but the sun was shining, so we should be OK if we squeezed our sleeping bags together inside? The campgrounds had real toilets and faucets with drinking water nearby, hurray! Back then ticks were unheard of in France so the girls could safely run and play in the woods and meadows, supervised by older scouts and their leaders, while some of us put up our tent and gathered logs for a roaring camp fire. We ate hotdogs and smores. I was in heaven. Then at about 9 pm when we were all zonked and ready to crash, it started raining. It poured, harder and harder, all night. The 13 of us crammed together in a not waterproof, too small tent. The girls passed out but I was literally in a puddle and got almost no shut-eye. It didn’t matter, I had fallen in love with the place and the rest is history.

For the next 12 years, Girl Scouts took over our life. A tour of the Paris Opera, a weekend in London, camping, the Lafayette Squadron memorial, workshops, bake sales, jumble sales for tsunami and hurricane relief, ice skating, dancing, improv, music recording, art, crafts, songfests. No cookie selling due to French import laws! Best of all the girls received constant recognition and encouragement for their accomplishments and talents, in a country where the school system doesn’t provide much validation.

Along the way I was asked to be a co-leader and then became leader by default when the other woman moved on. Out of the blue, a more experienced mom offered to team-up with me and we became inseparable. Our troop went all the way to the top, earning their Gold Awards working with handicapped children and their families, and received personal congratulations from President Obama and the First Lady on embossed White House stationary.

Letter from the White House

Of course there were glitches and tensions now and then as in every organization. It was frustrating dealing with hierarchy in NYC and all the reams of admin stuff. The payoff: many life-long friendships formed among these fascinating women from the US, the UK, Australia, France and the world: a pilot, a bio-engineer, a journalist, a school principal, a doctor, a nurse practitioner, financial managers, a psychologist, a civil engineer turned pro photographer, professors, teachers, OPEC staff, female powerhouses taking time off to be homemakers, and me, a rock singer experiencing delayed motherhood…. I’d never considered myself a great team player, but now discovered hidden talents, organizing events for 100-200 people with these other women and our daughters as they acquired more and more leadership skills. To make things even more festive, our partners were welcome to participate and formed their own bonds. It was invaluable in terms of networking and support for parenting, citizenship and health issues, bilingual schools, work opportunities, future college applications, and eventually my family’s adoption.

One of our first outings with our son when he arrived from Russia was a Girl Scout camp out, at Jambville, where everyone had been waiting for his arrival and took him under their wings as he ran from campsite to campsite through the woods, marvelling at everything he saw.

Ivan’s first Jambville, wow my hair was RED

So of course, when he was old enough we signed up for cubs and got to relive the experience from a new angle. Pinewood Derby hand made car races, kayaking, canoeing, hiking, camping, rock climbing, Mont St. Michel, Normandy D-Day ceremonies, museums, music, photography, cooking, first aid, swimming, sustainability, 4th of July at the US Embassy, photo op with the Ambassador… This time I was a Merit Badge counselor.

People often ask me to compare the two programs, which one do I prefer? That’s a tough question. I would say that BSA (now accepting girls, gay and trans kids) is more outdoor-oriented, more focused on survival skills and less on self-esteem, creativity and communication, but both are wonderful and both are evolving. Everything depends on who’s leading, which depends on parental involvement. One of the outstanding aspects of scouting in Paris is that adults are very involved. Most of them don’t use it as a drop-off activity, rather attending the events and helping with logistics. BSA Paris Troop 112 is chartered by the Transatlantic Council, administratively independent of the US organization, so not sponsored by the NRA and not in the bankruptcy whirlwind following the pedophilia cases in the US.* FWIW I’ve never heard of a single incident of inappropriate adult behavior here. Both groups forbid adults to be alone with any kids at any time, unless they are family, and at BSA all adults are required to take Youth Protection training, know how to recognize and report abuses.

Both groups mention God in their pledges, both are non-denominational. There is no catechism. Both provide inspiring adult and older kid role models, opportunities to talk about values and serve the community, training in project management, practice speaking with authority figures…To give you an idea: the national average of scouts reaching the exalted Eagle rank is 2% in the US, 30% in Paris, thanks to the commitment and support of this international and diverse community, where we met people we probably would not have known otherwise: a car designer, a male film director, a female film distributor, a petrol engineer, artists, a pilot, embassy and UNESCO staff, French and American military personnel, a Secret Service guy, male and female chefs and lawyers, male professionals taking time off to be homemakers…

I took the picture at the top at Jambville in late June. One of the scouts was organizing his Eagle service project: taking inner city kids who are not scouts camping and teaching them outdoor skills. I was asked to share my fire starting and safety expertise (learned at a GSA outdoor training weekend for leaders years ago). The boy pictured was one fo the guests and because it’s a close-up, I’ve disguised him with stars in his eyes to respect his privacy. You can see from his smile how ecstatic he was.

Here’s a picture taken the same weekend. The Eagle candidate and his family had asked us to bring our guitars and sing campfire songs.

Campfire jammin’

It wasn’t rap or Tiktok, but the kids knew and sang along with some of the golden oldies: “Halleluiah,” “I Feel Good” and “Stand By Me” were big hits. Later they said “they felt like they were living in a typical American movie around the fire!” and “they now think they can compete in Kolanta (a French survival TV show) with all the cool skills they learned.” 

I came home from Jambville feeling absolutely complete, absolutely belonging. Family, friends, nature, music, sharing. Being with these kids and adults, watching the young ones grow up contributing to the world around them is something I wouldn’t have missed for anything. It’s been a fantastic ride, mentoring other people’s kids while their parents mentored mine.

So I got to be a scout after all and better than I could have hoped.

I’m amazed how unanswered questions and unfulfilled wishes can become our callings and the architecture of our lives.

To be continued…

Aliss

#######

PS

*I’ve just received an email form the Transatlantic Council:

Transatlantic Council (TAC) is not part of the Chapter 11 filing but has been requested to contribute to a Settlement Trust providing compensation for the victims of historic sexual abuse…

TAC formed a Task Force months ago to follow this issue. This week, it unanimously recommended the council’s participation in the global settlement by contributing $447,137.87 and assigning its rights under insurance policies covering historical abuse liabilities.”

Paris/COVID: June 2021, moving on…

The Little Prince, close up of a 50F bill, 1997, before the Euro

Some things take longer to write than others… Even if there’s a direction and a desire, ripening has to take place in heart and mind before anything comes to life. For a song, it can start with a title or a few notes of melody and a vague lyric, then emotions, memories and wishes click into shape in their own time. When the pattern satisfies a hunger and seems to have always existed, you know it’s done. Blogposts feel like mending holes in a story. Picking up the threads where I left off and tying them to the fabric of where I want to go.

For the past months, I’ve been in creative slomo, unable to imagine a future without my mother. I fell into a well of pain and couldn’t get out. There was no logic to it, because my loved ones were very present. Gradually feelings became ideas. there was a turning point when I identified my pain as loneliness and remembered my mother saying how lonely she was in assisted living, especially during the pandemic. By herself day after day, she was fading away, having a harder and harder time connecting even when she finally moved to a new place with more company, more and more lonely.

For my own comfort, I kept hoping she’d find new joy and meaning and stay with us a while longer, but it was too late. I was holding on to her but she was unhappy and needed to go. I think I’m accepting more and more that it’s better for her to go than be so unhappy. Grief has been a way to keep her with me. Now I want to find other ways to feel her presence, be more present myself and look ahead.

I’ve been using a gift she gave me: her recording of The Little Prince by Antoine de Sait Exupéry. She taped it on a cassette 20 years ago and I’ve converted it to MP3. (If you still have your parents, I highly recommend asking them to record a beautiful story for you.) I feel so fortunate to have it. It’s perfect for me right now. Not every day, but when I miss her, I can put it on when I’m doing something else. It’s about 90 minutes long and her voice is so soothing, like having her in the same room with me, surrounding me with a warm hug…

The Little Prince is the most translated book in the world after the Bible, yet it seems relatively unknown among my US family and friends. They may have heard the title but not read it. I can understand why. It’s very very French, a hologram of French culture, maybe a bit too exotic for anyone but a true francophile. It’s also a time capsule from the last century, a slower time. If it were published today, half of it would probably get hacked away by an editor to define the mandatory dramatic arc of Act 1, Act II, Act III. Saint Exupéry followed his imagination as if improvising a bedtime story over many nights. The result is a wistful, naive philosophical fable with very little action.

If you’ve never read it, it’s about a French pilot, like Saint Exupéry himself, who makes an emergency landing in the desert and encounters a magical child from another world. They talk about wonder and love, finding beauty and meaning, what lasts and what is ephemeral, all the essential things that cannot be seen, that we forget when we become adults. Other characters include a rose, a sheep, a fox, a snake, a businessman, a railroad switchman, an astronomer, miniature volcanoes and baobabs.

It’s playful and funny, but also sad: about life and death, loneliness, saying goodbye, letting go, and being thankful for what is lost.

The story spirals dreamily through these themes, almost hypnotic, and all the more fascinating because Saint Exupéry seems to have foretold his own destiny: 5 years after writing it, his plane vanished in mysterious circumstances.

*****

Here’s a quick passage from the next-to-last chapter:

“The thing that is important is the thing that is not seen.” 

“Yes, I know.”

“It is just as it is with the flower. If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are abloom with flowers.” 

Yes, I know.”

“It is just as it is with the water… what you gave me to drink was like music. You remember how good it was.”

“Yes, I know.”

“And at night you will look up at the stars. Where I live everything is so small that I cannot show you where my star is to be found. My star will be one of the stars for you. And so, you will love to watch all the stars in the heavens. They will all be your friends. And besides I am going to make you a present.” He laughed again. 

“Ah little prince, dear little prince, I love to hear that laughter.”

“That is my present, just that. It will be as it was when we drank the water.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“All men have stars,” he answered. “But they are not the same things for different people. For some who are travelers the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others who are scholars they are problems. For my businessman they are wealth. But all these stars are silent. You, you alone will have the stars as no one else has them.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“In one of the stars I shall be living, in one of them I shall be laughing. And so, it will be as if all the stars are laughing and when you look at the sky at night, you, only you, will have stars that can laugh.” And he laughed again. “And when your sorrow is comforted, time soothes all sorrows, you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me and you will sometimes open your window so, for that pleasure, and your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky. Then you will say to them yes, the stars always make me laugh. And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you.” And he laughed again. “It will be as if in place of the stars I had given you a great number of little bells, that knew how to laugh.” And he laughed again…

*****

Saint Exupéry seems to speak to an innocent, vulnerable, wise part of himself as a parent would to a beloved child.

I’m listening to my mother’s voice and learning to parent myself…

xxxxx

Aliss

Paris/COVID: Spring 2021 Moments

Cardinal, (unfinished) by Ruth Pearson

Found an email from my mother to my husband when his mother passed away:

To: Lewis
Subject: Our sympathy

Dear Lewis,

It is very hard to lose a parent no matter what the circumstances, it is a milestone in your life. I know your mother loved you very much and no doubt contributed greatly to the terrific lovable person you are. In time you will only remember the good things in your life with her, the hard times of age and illness fade. We are so sorry… I am sure this is a very difficult time for you. Remember that you are loved not only by Aliss but by us and many others. We both love you very much and are grateful that you are in our lives and know the special person you are and the wonderful husband and father you are and have been. We send our love and care and prayers for you and your mother. I wish we could be there to help in some way. Much love, Ruth

You can see why she is missed.

At the end of April, we had an online memorial for her with close family and friends. My sister and I, our partners and kids put together a slide show, the arc of her life in pictures, from her grand parents to her great grand children.

A total recall of her life in words would take 97 and a half years, so I decided to give just a few minutes of background:

On my Mom’s side of the family, the ancestors are Lutheran Yankees, proper city folk descending from early American settlers and Pennsylvania Dutch farmers. One of them, John F. Reynolds, a Union Major General from Lancaster, PA, gives his life heroically at the battle of Gettysburg. There are still statues of him there. One of Mom’s grandmothers, Blanche Johnson, is a beautiful “Gibson Girl” whose first job is compositor at the Bellefonte, PA Gazette where her childhood sweetheart, Walter Crosthwaite is a printer. As happy newlyweds, they cruise to Cuba and the Caribbean and settle in Brooklyn, NY. 

Tragically, Blanche dies from an infection just after giving birth to Mom’s mother, Roxie. Family lore has it that the attending physician didn’t wash hands between patient examinations. Walter takes the train from NY to Pennsylvania, carrying baby Roxie on a pillow, Blanche’s casket in another car. Roxie’s baptized at her mother’s funeral and then fostered by her childless aunt Emma. Emma’s husband is a photographer and takes many portraits of them. Roxie is their pride and joy until Emma unexpectedly has a daughter of her own. Roxie’s father Walter dies when she’s 12. 

Growing up an orphan stepchild, Roxie turns out spunky. During WWI, she’s one of the first women ever to join the Navy, as a reserve Yeomanette. On duty in Philadelphia, she meets Don, the son of Lewis Gettig, who owns a lucrative meat packing business in Bellefonte. (His wife’s name is Alice!) Good-looking and spoiled, Don had been expelled from the local private Academy for running the principal’s long-johns up the flagpole, among other exploits. They fall in love, marry, and perhaps too soon, become parents of Alice Jane, then Richard. After the stock market crash of 1929, the Depression hits, the family business fails and Don goes to work as a guard in a mine, renting a farm out in the country with his wages. My city girl grandmother Roxie learns to grow all their food, buying only flour and sugar, making clothes for her 5 kids out of flour sacks and donated bolts of green gingham, proud they never have to go on “Relief.” There are laundry days, baking days, cleaning days and mending days. Her premonitory dreams and visions often startle the family, like the time during WWII when she awakes in the middle of the night calling her son Richard’s name. They later find out Dick’s army unit was on a train stopped on a railroad siding nearby, secretly en route from the European Theater of Operations to the Pacific.  Sometime along in here, my grandparents buy a house in the town of Pancake, near Washington, PA, and open an electrical appliance shop, attending Masonic Lodge and Eastern Star functions. Every spring their daughters wear long white dresses to wind ribbons around the May Pole at Trinity High School. My mom jitterbugs expertly to Big Band tunes and knows every Ella Fitzgerald song by heart. My grandmother sews her stylish dresses for every dance. After Pearl Harbor, they design a red and white carnation “lei” that’s copied by all the other girls. Mom’s dad enrolls her in college, but she gets homesick and doesn’t want to stay.  Instead, she dances with a brilliant future doctor at his college, marries him in her late teens, and leaves home.

Zoom in to the D.C suburbs, mid-twentieth century. My future mom and dad are working on different floors of a ziggurat called the Bethesda Naval Hospital, now the Walter Reed Medical Center. Mom is separating from Dr. Andy and has a little girl, my future sister Lynn. Working for the Red Cross, in a big office, Mom transcribes mental patient case histories from a psychiatrist’s dictaphone, and cracks everyone up with the bizarre and gory parts she reads aloud. Dad is training as a medic, bound for Korea. In their portraits, they look like Hollywood movie stars. One day at the hospital swimming pool, their eyes meet. Later she tells me, “He was the handsomest guy I ever saw.” They fall in love, find themselves with an unplanned baby on the way, arrange a quick wedding and spend a few very happy months before my dad ships out. He leaves as a sweet, soft spoken guy. When he comes back the next year, Mom said, “He was a completely different person.”

During Dad’s hospital treatments for PTSD, Mom keeps the family together. As a military wife, she had tried a lot of different things, from driving a taxi to selling real estate. When I’m a toddler, she gets hired as cashier and bookkeeper at a car dealership called Suburban Cadillac. 

At the wheel of her convertible Chevy Impala, Mom drops me off and picks me up at my school in Bethesda on her way to and from work at the Cadillac dealership. I love our car commutes, often with the top down. In her beautiful alto voice, she sings along with the radio Hit Parade, harmonizing with Perry Como, Patti Paige and Frank Sinatra. She’s a knock out in bright print dresses, high heels, cats-eye sunglasses, and red lipstick, her shiny honey-colored hair up in a chignon or bouncy ponytail.

When Mom and her friends stand side by side, they tower over me like technicolor goddesses.  You wouldn’t think so now, but in the macho world of the 50’s, women have a powerful presence, literally occupying more vital space than men with their bright calf-length full skirts, belted waists, pointy bosoms, red lips, costume jewelry, and big hairdo’s.

She meets Jimmie, the love of her life, at Suburban Cadillac, where he’s a mechanic in the repair shop. He seems like a giant. He had left high school to join the Navy and trained as a submariner at the very end of WWII. After the service he worked in a garage for a while and later got promoted to service advisor at a car dealership. Mom’s brother Don, an executive at a Gas company in Pennsylvania, gets him an interview at JC Penny, where he rises to tri-state energy manager. Jimmie can build and fix anything. He tells jokes. He’s generous with his hard-earned cash and the first man who ever takes us out to nice restaurants. He’s into cool vehicles so we have a black Triumph convertible and a white Plymouth Barracuda parked in our driveway, lined up with an outboard motor boat for summer weekends on the Chesapeake. I’m really blown away when he takes Mom to a jazz club downtown to see Charlie Byrd, whoever that is.  Another time he takes her for dinner at the trendy Trader Vic’s Kon Tiki-themed dining room in the DC Hilton and I brag about it to the kids at school.

Mom is super smart. She audited classes with her first husband, Andy, during his medical studies and eventually finds her niche as a medical secretary and physician’s assistant.

My parents work 40+ hour weeks with overtime, taking care of kids, nieces, nephews, school friends, grandparents, animals, a house and a vegetable garden. When I start going on Peace marches in the early 70’s, I bug Mom for not doing anything to change the world. She takes a deep breath and says she thinks the best thing she can do is to show kindness to the women who come into the obstetrician’s office or call asking for advice about their health problems, test results, bills and appointments, by listening to them, making sure their kids are okay in the waiting room, explaining complicated medical terminology, and comforting them when they get a bad diagnosis or lose a pregnancy. That shuts me up. As time goes on, I respect and love her more and more for this and it inspires me.

She had many talents, but never thought of herself as an artist, a writer or a singer, a decorator, a seamstress or a chef. All that energy and presence was channeled into family and friendships…

She taught us about: holidays, flowers, animals, color, sewing, juggling work with family and friendships, keeping house, cooking, resilience, rebuilding a life after tragedy, outliving illness, travel, snorkeling, playing the slots, singing, health and medicine, absurd humor and cut-throat scrabble. Who would we be if we hadn’t had this person in our lives? She made us feel loved.

She was really a good sport about assisted living. She regained her sense of style, wore lipstick, had her hair done whenever she could, enjoyed outings and family get togethers, but it was hard. Thank you everyone who visited her over the past 7 years. Thank you everyone who called, sent cards and flowers. You all made that easier for her and for Lynn and Ned, who took care for her.

One of the poems read by our officiant, Rev. Thérèse Bimka:

Untitled

Death ends a life, not a relationship.

Lost love is still love.

It takes a different form, that’s all. 

You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor.

But when those senses weaken, another heightens.

Memory. Memory becomes your partner.

You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.

— Mitchell Albom

To be continued…

Paris/COVID: March 2021 Tears

Her High School graduation picture

This month my family became one of millions to lose a loved one during the pandemic. Ruth, our beautiful mother, grandmother, aunt, and friend left us on March 12, 2021. She survived COVID and lived to be vaccinated but nine months of isolation had already taken a toll and certainly accelerated her decline.

We have much to be grateful for! Her long life and resilience, a festive lunch at home on Saturday March 6th, surrounded by loving family for her first meeting with her newest great grand child…countless holidays and birthday celebrations, laughter, pictures, mementos, art. Since December 4th she was in a more intimate living arrangement 5 minutes from my sister, who visited every other day, took her out shopping and meals. They celebrated Christmas together.

During the nine-month lockdown, I worried and called her every day. Sometimes she said she felt like a prisoner, but more often she said how grateful she was to be alive and in a comfortable environment. Sometimes our talks were long, sometimes just a few minutes. Her short term memory was impaired but her listening skills and empathy were phenomenal. I kept her updated on my good moments and challenges. She asked lots of questions, still full of good advice about health issues and relationships. She was my constant source of encouragement and perspective. All that time I thought I was supporting her. Now I see that she was supporting me.

I’m thankful I was able to spend 4 weeks in the US over the summer and visit her 7 times. We touched finger tips through a wire screen and said “I love you” over and over.

https://www.simpsonhammerl.com/obituaries/Ruth-Pearson?obId=20396324#/obituaryInfo

Ruth with Tulsi, one of many rescue kittens

I almost got through the day today with no tears.

Ethel Ruth Getting Pearson

Adieu

Paris/COVID: Feb. 2021 Vaccine Dreams

How high the moon?

Writing this from an escapade to a tiny village in the Burgundy wine country for my husband’s birthday, the virus seems as far away as the moon. Enjoying while we can. In a few days we’ll be back in Paris where the number of cases has exploded again and we’ll be contemplating a third confinement of uncertain length and severity. Meanwhile the vaccination campaign seems to be a rumor or a myth. No one I know except for an elderly relative and first line health workers has had a vaccine. Even my very media savvy friends say they haven’t found any viable explanations for this anywhere in the French press.

And it’s not just in France. A post from my friend Guida de Palma in Portugal:

“The UK vaccination plan is well-organised and running at a military rate. Over thirteen million already inoculated. Portugal has had the worst of infections, not getting the amount of vaccines needed at all. Info is diverse and incongruous: One says 70.000, the other 32.000, the truck breaks down and vaccines jump into the arms of bakers and social security employees…Anyway, opacity and wind reign. Yes, here months ago I promptly received a text saying they would contact my parents, 90 and 80 years old, but no one has contacted them yet…Who is negotiating buying vaccines for Portugal? Get them out now…The official news announced proudly, with pomp is: Portugal will receive x doses through April and by the end of Summer 70 % of adults will be inoculated… maybe if I dream deeply, convince myself … Hey what happened?”

The US and UK are moving fast but we can’t accuse them of speculation or hoarding as they seem to be using vaccines funded and produced on their own turf? Did a European manufacturing facility in Belgium shutdown for repairs? Is it ineptitude due to EU oversight instead of country by country management? The NYT ran an article about private contractors being hired in France to facilitate logistics, now under criticism:

It’s all the more puzzling because in so many other ways France has great healthcare. COVID testing is fast, free, and available.

In this context, I stopped by my local pharmacy a Monday morning two weeks ago to pick up a supplement and asked the owner if she had any information. “Call your doctor right away, ” she said, “We just got word that doctors can register to pick up 10 doses for their clientele, to use at their discretion. You might be able to get one if your doctor agrees. The deadline for registration is Wednesday at midnight.”

So of course I phoned my GP and he said, “Yes, that’s correct, I’ll call you back.” Not only would this be reassuring in the context of living with a teenager during a pandemic, but it might mean we could plan a flight to see US family sooner than expected, since many there have already had the vaccine. I told my husband and contacted several friends who aren’t anti-vaxers. Their pharmacists and doctors hotly denied the info and said they could only vaccinate patients in a certain age group and only if they had underlying conditions, called “comorbidity” in Franglais. From my friend Sylvia: “Your doctor must be a fan, I haven’t known mine very long. Maybe having a teen qualifies as an underlying condition?” she joked. Other people sent irate texts and links to articles as proof.

https://www.thelocal.fr/20210123/how-a-slow-vaccine-rollout-is-causing-frustration-in-french-covid-hotspot

Hmmm. How interesting that both my pharmacist and my GP had said the same thing with no mention of comorbidity. Is it a rule in France or life in general that everything depends on whom you know and how you approach them?

A week later there was a voicemail from my GP saying he hadn’t been able to find 10 people among his clientele who wanted the vaccine. So we’d have to wait and he’d keep us posted. Consolation prize: this avoids ethical issues for both of us. If he’d vaccinated us would that have taken a dose away from sonemeon who needed it more? I’m hearing tales of doctors having to throw away “extra” uninventoried doses in distribution vials on pain of sanction.

This time the brand was AstraZeneca. Honestly, I’m ready to take the Russian version if we can get it here. Rumor has it the general public may be vaccinated in May?

Then there are the articles from French health websites about the 500,000 sharks that will be killed for an oil in their liver that goes into the vaccine recipe… WTF?

Pandemic fatigued,

Aliss

Paris/COVID: January Dark, Light and Defrag

A quiet but cozy Christmas, a euphoric New Year, then January. This candle sums it up for me. Visceral need for a flame braving the night, like novenas and menorahs. Magnetized early am to late pm. Visual of soul, faith, focus, wholeness, hope.

Since January 16th, 6pm curfew. Rushing to reshuffle schedules and habits once again.

Virus variants coming in from the UK and South Africa. No idea when we’ll be vaccinated.

Cloth masks no longer adequate say French scientists, WHO disagrees. CDC says double masks.

New lockdown may be coming, to be announced today or tomorrow. What will the restrictions be this time?

My mom has been in and out of the hospital.

Violence at the US Capitol a few days after New Year’s. Stunned by the extent of rage and bitterness in the US. An impending mental health crisis? I think it’s already here and has been for a while. Echoes of the French Yellow Vests, some of whom vocally plotted to storm the presidential palace in 2018 and do away with Macron. Somewhat muted now due to confinement and curfew. Seems worse in the US because abetted by government officials high and low.

With family on all over the map, I try to see the big picture, compare the narratives, separate real from fake, and understand where it’s all coming from. Banned videos sent by relatives vie for my attention with NYT articles. Everyone has a non-negotiable point of view on something: Abortion, Immigration, LGBTQ issues, The Holocaust, Indigenous rights, Slavery, Human Trafficking, Antifa, Police Brutality, BLM, QAnon, Corruption, Sedition, Guns, Hacking, Foreign Interference, Global Warming, Hoaxes, Vaccines…

How to reconcile the irreconcilable?

Suddenly it smacks me in the face. This is the story of my life. Unbelievably, 100ish years after the Civil War, it was still being fought, through my parents, one from Industrial North one from Deep South, and through me, born on the divide, with an actual blood incompatibility, as if the Mason Dixon line ran though my cells. Defragmentation isn’t just for computers and hard drives. I struggle to defrag every day, mentally, psychologically and emotionally.

So, on January 6th, I chose the original cast film of Hamilton, Act I over the headlines. A bit late to the party of course, but cathartic timing for me. I surrendered to the spectacle of the main character’s survival, ambition, genius, human failings, and tragedy, lifted at last above fatalism by his wife’s generous heart. I was mesmerised by Lin-Manuel Miranda’s wit, melody, rhythm, humor, and scholarship, how the Hamilton story personifies the conception of our country and its misconception due to racial inequities in the lives of our Founding Fathers and their striking sidelining of Founding Mothers. Hip Hop culture meeting American History meeting Broadway, mostly White historical figures played by mostly POC… Hamilton reconciles the seemingly irreconcilable.

The next week, amid photos of DC as a fortified ghost town, I watched it again and continued with Act II. Ordered the CD. Kept the Christmas tree up until the last minute, filled in blanks with Christmas music until January 20th, Inauguration Day. Harris and Biden taking oaths, Gaga belting the anthem, J-Lo doing justice to “This Land is Your Land,” shining Amanda Gorman referencing Hamilton in “The Hill We Climb,” concert, everyday heroes, grace and poise under pressure, flags and fireworks. No one was killed.

Now a second impeachment and an American version of what the French call dialogue de sourds, “deaf dialogue,” people who don’t, can’t, or won’t hear what others are saying.

But also, a beautiful healthy new baby in my family, bright snow, even if just for a few hours a couple of days a week apart, and an only-in-France moment of comic relief: the French Congress voted a bill to preserve the sensory heritage of rural areas. This is a response to a case that opposed country-home-buying-city-folk to a rooster named Maurice that woke them every morning at dawn with its cocorico crowing. Of course this was boiled down in the US press as:

“France passes a law protecting smells”

https://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/france-rural-noise-law-scli-intl/index.html

“Roosters bells and cicadas” are now guaranteed freedom of expression amidst potent country perfumes.

Vive poetry, music, friends, cooking, working out, walking, creative projects, the fruits of our labors and defragmentation…

xxxxx Aliss

New Year’s Video Postcards

(Editing champagne typos!) In case you missed it… my new favorite sport is hunting for amateur Christmas lights in Paris. The city and local busiesses illuminate facades and streets for the holidays, but individuals never used to decorate their balconies and terraces. Now it’s catching on, every year there are more displays. Having fun with iMovie and YouTube…

Christmas on my street (figuring out subtitles…)

Happy Holidays at Marché Secretan

Happy New Year from Paris 19 (why don’t subtitles show up when you watch on your phone?) :

Enjoy, comment, send questions…

Happy 2021!

To be continued…

Paris/COVID: Hark the Herald

Mother of pearl angel with harp on our tree

This time of year my solar plexus is usually bubbling with excitement like a toddler waiting for Santa. Instead there’s an unfestive ache. Decorating our place felt like performing a musical in an empty theater. This is the first year I won’t be getting together with anyone from my birth family, in a long long time.

Homesick, searching for holiday spirit:

Can’t go where I’d usually go, no museums, cafés, restaurants or concerts. Bright side: retracing steps from previous winters, got some cool surprises. Walking across the Marais with take-out cappuccino from Carette Place des Vosges, I saw dark storefronts, but a renovated Musée Carnavalet will reopen in the Spring with restored gardens and a chronological path across Paris history as seen through art. People queueing for falafel and pastries rue des Rosiers reminded me it’s Hanukkah week with its miracles of light. A secret passageway I never saw before, opened through three courtyards between the Place des émeutes de Stonewall (didn’t know this existed)

Was this here before?

and the cheerful, spacious BHV department store with six floors of abundance and enough shoppers to feel lively but not crowded. Cosier than the Forum des Halles, just as upbeat as Galeries Lafayette Haussman and Bon Marché, but less pretentious and pure heaven after sedentary internet browsing. No identity ordeal to set up your millionth online account with your millionth password. Added incentive: picking out gifts and ornaments in person has a new dimension this year, potentially saving the French economy.

Outside the main entrance, in front of the Hôtel de Ville on the Seine, no skating rink for 2020, but two free merry-go-rounds and a series of wooden cabins with big display windows full of nature scenes for the little ones, skies are mostly gray, but lots of lights and carols playing.

Looking across the river towards Notre Dame

It took ages to get home. No more spontaneous zigzagging across the city! Getting around is a slog unless you’re on foot. (City biking is not my thing) Option one: crawl through traffic by bus or taxi on technocrat-reorganized street grids blocked by ubiquitous construction. Option two: brave the metro, risky and time-consuming because I hop off and wait for the next one when it’s too crowded to social distance.

Bright side: I love my neighborhood more than ever with it’s sparkling garlands overhead, variety of merchandise, florists, book shops, food vendors… Most items on my 2020 gift list come from local small businesses.

Other changes:

No big French family dinner with 20 relatives around the table at midnight on the 24th, sniff. Bright side: won’t get home at 3am and be bleary for our US-style Christmas morning the next day.

No long-distance travel this year, sniff. Bright side: no packing, no jet lag.

No family visitors, sniff. Bright side: don’t have to clean guest room and guest bath twice, before and after. (Would jump at the chance, if only.)

Other blessings:

Thankful I didn’t Marie-Kondo my home before COVID so have stuff to sort through, rediscover and repurpose, like the mason jar of “pumpkin butter” found in my pantry, a ghost from holidays past. Contrary to its name, it doesn’t contain butter, just pumpkin, sweeteners and spices. With some eggs and evaporated milk, this transformed into a gorgeous pie for decadent cold snacks right out of the fridge that take me back to feasting on leftovers as a kid.

Work is slow, time on my hands, can volunteer more: mentoring opportunities in scouting community, Sandwich Ministry food distribution for the needy at the American Cathedral.

Private, low key holidays might also leave thought space to prioritize neglected projects on my I-hope-someday list?

Maybe I’ll do something really radical, like cooking up edible presents for friends?

Most of all, processing two major events:

-My mom has moved from a large assisted living facility on a busy city street, luxurious but sometimes impersonal, to a small family-run elder care home in the countryside near my US relatives. After being isolated for nine long months, she’s in intimate surroundings with dogs, cats, greenery and warm human contact. Hats off to my heroic sister and brother-in-law and to my mom for her endurance. A weight has lifted from heart.

-Our teenage son just completed a four-week full-time internship among adults in a professional kitchen as part of his lycée culinary program. Coincidentally this was also in a retirement home (where food preparation doesn’t shut down even during a pandemic). He didn’t catch COVID and neither did we, his chef was very pleased with his skills and wants to help him make contacts for after-COVID. Good omen. Hats off to him for making it through and to us for getting him there every morning in spotless chef’s jacket and apron (a story in itself).

Nearing the winter solstice and 2021, reasons to celebrate: we’re well and vaccines are on the way. Sit back, relive happy memories and imagine a future together again.

Let there be music! Let there be color! Rejoice and stay safe!

xxxxxx Aliss

Paris/COVID: Thanks(giving) anyway?

My favorite co-working café a while back, will it survive?

A reminder I’m not my usual self: Christmas lights going up on our street courtesy of local merchants’ association, after all they’ve been through, made me cry, with gratitude.

Resetting holiday attitudes and expectations… I’m usually a grinch about the Beaujolais Nouveau event, third Thursday of November. It always seemed a fake marketing ploy dreamed up by the vintners’ lobby in 1985 to rake in cash with too-young, too-acidic beverages calling themselves wine. However…this year, I was treated to a memorable bottle with a weird name: Beaujo Beau from Domaine Anthony Charvet, AOC Chiroubles. https://www.vins-anthony-charvet.fr/vins-et-tarifs

Recommended by our favorite local restaurant owner Bertrand Disset:

https://www.instagram.com/labicyclettebistroparis/

Do check out La Bicyclette, his bistrot: real chef (Slavica Marmakovic), fresh ingredients, gorgeous creativity, charcuterie from l’Aveyron, natural wines, low prices, great press, offering take out during confinement, our family’s hooked.

Tasting this wine sparked my curiosity and I learned that Beaujolais Nouveau wasn’t invented in 1985, but is one of the surviving French wine festivals all over France, vestiges of traditional fêtes des vendanges, grape harvest festivals that used to be a thing. When I was a student here, all the French kids used to take off in the Fall to work in the vineyards and enjoy camaraderie and banquets prepared by the vintners’ families.

Live and learn! Vive le Beaujolais Nouveau! We need all the holidays we can get these days. This one is connected to a real terroir.

The other event I’ve always hated is Black Friday. How could anyone sully our miraculously non-commercial Thanksgiving with such a display of crass greed the next day? OK, I know Thanksgiving is an idealized version of Early American cooperation between indigenous people and colonists. When my kids were little I researched it so I could present it to them in good conscience. It seems that there was a historically-documented meal where “pilgrims” and native people celebrated abundant local produce and European survival in the New World (what happened next is less a reason to celebrate). Question: could our US Thanksgiving mythology be a template for future inclusivity and stewardship?

Meanwhile French businesses adopted Black Friday to my chagrin. But COVID has changed the context and when I see how small businesses are struggling, I have to welcome Black Friday for their sake. Reset.

And there are other things to celebrate this year.

No matter how you voted, a respite if not an end to election hangover.

If you’re reading this, congratulations for being alive.

If you’re a parent of teens in France: remote working means more adults are at home paying attention to the comings and goings of their teenagers, who have to communicate more about their outings: where, when, why, how long… to fill out the required dérogation. It’s become much easier to form alliances and keep them safe.

This helps us to find a balance between restrictions and permissiveness, keeping in mind current mental health challenges for young people: increased rates of depression, suicide and anorexia:

https://pro.orange.fr/actualites/covid-19-la-sante-mentale-d-adolescents-se-degrade-selon-une-pedopsychiatre-CNT000001v45pY.html

And… Thanksgiving is starting to appeal to a French audience! Monoprix features a special shopping section on their website:

https://courses.monoprix.fr/content/thanksgiving

….with a recipe for Pecan Pie that lists maple syrup instead of corn syrup (Gasp! my South Georgia ancestors are rolling in their graves!)

But upon closer investigation… maple syrup has 200 fewer calories per cup than corn syrup and contains actual nutrients contrary to its ultra-refined alternative! So perhaps a new era will dawn in that area as well?

Welcome news! Last night President Macron announced lighter confinement rules for the holidays, starting on Saturday November 28th when non-essential stores are allowed to reopen.

A final word: over the years I’ve figured out that I’m a pilgrim in France, grateful for all the support I’ve received from “the natives.” We expats watch Emily in Paris on Netflix and laugh at the cultural caricatures we recognize from our attempts to adapt to our French hosts, but in truth we all love France, we’re grateful to here.

Happy Thanksgiving from a pilgrim,

Aliss

Paris/COVID: Purple Haze

November in our courtyard

A big priority for November was to not let the US presidential election steal my life. I voted in September, participated in a get-out-the-vote Zoom organized by Chicago friends and supported my candidates as much as possible on social media. Liberal leaning news sources were trumpeting a blue landslide, which I did not trust after last time. So, the afternoon of November 3rd, I started a 24 -hour media fast, determined to maintain some semblance of emotional stability no matter what. I did not want to relive the morning of November 2016 when I woke up to election results that had seemed impossible only hours before.

I highly recommend doing a screen Sabbath and seeing who we are without all the electronic input from around the world. Sitting with my coffee, uncharacteristically internet-free the morning of November 4th, I attempted to breathe and pick up a vibe coming from the US. All I could feel was a sort of neutrality. Hmm. When I finally turned on my phone and computer early afternoon on November 4th, it was eerie, no emails, no texts. Were all my connections too devastated to communicate or asleep after a night of watching the coverage? To my amazement, my candidates still had a chance and staunchly red states were showing amazing new trends. From then on I was glued to my screen like millions of other people, hooked on the suspense, especially because all my ancestors come from two of the states that tipped the balance, namely Pennsylvania and Georgia.

Part of the drama of the past 10 days has been observing reactions from my relatives in these two states. One of my cousins in PA wrote that seeing the election tally was like watching 9-11 all over again. I can relate, because that’s how I felt 4 years ago when my world view collapsed like the Twin Towers. The same person and another cousin in Georgia made dire predictions and posted videos of GOP supporters using violent language to describe the coming fight for the current president, as a civil war. I could not relate. Meanwhile my Dem friends continue to mock the losers in the most condescending and derogatory terms imaginable. I can understand intellectually but I don’t think this is going to help us progress.

Is there a way to stay informed without hate- and fear-mongering? Is there a way to keep the lines of communication open in all directions, by reacting positively to posts that affirm our common humanity and not reacting to the others?

There are voices of reason. My main news source right now is a Dem lawyer in south GA, expert in Constitutional Law and first-hand observer of the electoral process in his state. When I get his permission, I’ll share his posts in case they can help others stay sane.

Here in France, everyone is facing many more weeks of confinement to stem the second wave, commemorating the 5-year anniversary of the November 13th attacks. The US expat community is wondering how to celebrate vital rituals of Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hannukah… Focusing to keep body and soul together, continue working, studying, staying alive.

Hoping to get through the current purple election haze,

Yours truly…

Paris/COVID: Lockdown 2 “Halloween Scream”

We made it through curfew.

Biggest challenge: major differences between anglophone and French parenting styles. My son doesn’t appreciate being subjected to the former while his French peers enjoy the latter. Here’s the deal: my husband and I try to stay informed of where he is and who he’s with while French Moms and Dads are way more laissez-faire. It could be that we are more aware of comings and goings because we work from home on flexible schedules while most of the French parents around us work more rigid hours in and outside the home. Or have the French parents just given up? That would be understandable!

Even during curfew and confinement, most of my son’s friends are allowed to disappear for long stretches and stay out all night without divulging any addresses of where they will be or parental phone numbers (assuming there is adult supervision where they are). French parents seem to consider this normal, unavoidable, or not worth fighting over, or a losing battle, or perhaps just a welcome break.

You can see how this might be a problem during a COVID pandemic.

Psychologists I’ve spoken to assure me this is part of adolescent experiments teens have to try. The battle of wills and communication breakdown may be exhausting and painful for us, but they’re not a rejection of us as people, we’re merely “collateral damage.”

I keep thinking about initiation ceremonies described in the works of Joseph Campbell and in Patrice Malidoma Somé’s Of Water and Spirit. Traditionally, young people had to endure ritual trials and hardships away from their family groups to become full-fledged members of their tribes. Accepted wisdom says teens have to separate emotionally from their parents to form ties that will shape their relationships and careers for years to come, hopefully in rewarding ways. They hunger for physical closeness with their age group, taking risks together and slamming into boundaries to test their strength. Could my son and his friends be inventing some form of self-initiation because our modern world has no organized and socially acceptable rituals for this purpose?

I know it’s hard for the young. Over the past year and a half, before COVID, just in my circle of French and anglophone friends, three teens have attempted suicide.

Their levels of maturity are all over the map. Neuroscience now shows that as their brains undergo rapid and chaotic development, literally overwhelmed, they’re not always able to process information and feelings in a logical way.

So it’s impossible for some teens to grasp the seriousness of the pandemic or empathize with others. Instead they feel victimized. A highlight of the Fall school vacation during curfew was the study group we set up to help my son and his friends complete a big assignment for lycée. They had to read a novel and fill out a reading journal. The book they chose, Le Fumoir could be called a 21st century version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest from a first person POV. Talking over the themes together, it became clear they identify with the narrator, feel trapped and sacrificed, angry towards cruel restrictions. The world is Nurse Ratched.

Seeing things from their perspective is an eye-opener.

As difficult as it is for us, we have to keep up a dialog, listen, empathize while providing structure and maintaining our integrity as parents, wearing masks and social distancing in our own home, sanitizing doorknobs, railings, handles, and wondering what’s next.

Despite curfew, COVID cases are increasing alarmingly, the government just announced a second confinement and it’s Halloween…

Halloween, Celtic New Year, Day of the Dead, Catholic Toussaint, a time for reflecting and honoring ancestors, braving or mocking fears, preparing to enter the darkness of winter, or just blowing off steam, depending on where you come from.

This year, it coincides with a “blue” moon (second full moon this month), interesting astronomical and astrological configurations, and the US Presidential election, which will decide not just America’s future but the future of the planet. Muslims are celebrating the birth of the Prophet, Charlie Hebdo is taunting extremists with extreme caricatures and France is paying for it in blood, putting our parenting problems into perspective.

If nothing else, they’re bringing back plenty of memories of my own impulsive teen misadventures, how my poor parents must have felt, and fleshing out the coming-of-age femoir I’m working on.

From Rilke’s Poem, “The Man Watching,” some parting words: 

“What we choose to fight is so tiny!

What fights us is so great!

…..

Winning does not tempt that man.

This is how he grows: by being defeated, decisively,

by constantly greater beings.” (Translation Robert Bly)

Let us grow!

Aliss

Paris/COVID: Curfew Day 1

Yippee another challenge to keep our brains from aging too fast!

De-scheduling dinners, open mics, evenings with friends, not to mention Halloween… wondering how our friends in the restaurant, hospitality, theater and music worlds are going to re-imagine themselves for the nth time. Theoretically it’s not as bad as confinement, but then again, we were all just picking ourselves up, brushing ourselves off, and fantasizing about getting back to some semblance of a rhythm, in this city of lights, now going dark again. It has to be done with 30,000 new infections just yesterday. Our frontline health workers and vulnerable ones have to be shielded.

While we’re at it, please send special good vibes to all of us parents of teenagers chafing at the bit. If they’re caught outside after 9pm, they’ll be detained by the police until we can pick them up at whatever precinct, and we parents will have to pay 135€ ($160) the first time, 1500€ ($1760) after that for the privilege of getting them back.

And… just to make things more interesting, invitations to super-spreader all night parties with no adult supervision are being shared because schools are on fall break for 2 weeks and the young feel entitled to blow off steam. Attempts to help them understand the gravity of the situation ping off them like raindrops on a parapluie.

If anyone else is in this boat, please DM me. I have a strategy. Not terrifically fun from an admin POV, but potentially more economical.

To be continued!

xxxxxx Aliss

Paris/COVID: Emily in Paris “Scarlet Zone”

It’s been a few years since Emily moved to Paris and started her career at Savoir. She’s married the most seductive, creative, and age-appropriate of her swains (no spoilers!) and they now have a young son. After winning every major award known to her profession, she’s taken the parenthood plunge and shocked herself by wanting to prolong her congé parental to be with her little boy and breast feed! None of her Paris acquaintances, even Mindy, approves of this crazy departure from stylishness. All her designer outfits are soon too small and when she finally fits into them again they get covered with baby spit-up. Emily takes the baby to show her friends at Savoir and he projectile-vomits on Sylvie.

Emily keeps a finger in the professional pie with consulting gigs she snags and somehow squeezes in between sleepless nights pacing and jiggling her colicky infant. Starting when he’s 2 weeks old, all the French parents say, “You mean he doesn’t sleep through ze nuit yet? Let him cry himself to sleep, zey have to learn to comfort zemselves!” Then come the teething and the endless colds, sapping her career motivation. She joins an English speaking Moms’ playgroup, which saves her sanity and before she knows it little Jr. is 2 and can attend maternelle. There is still hope! Mad about her toddler, she doesn’t want to work full time like 80% of French mothers. Citing a technicality about the length of Emily’s leave, Sylvie can refuse to take Emily back to Savoir part-time. Instead, Emily turns to freelance writing as a micro entrepreneur, staggered by the paperwork involved.

Over the next few years, her son graduates to primary school and she navigates the torturous hallowed and haunted halls of the Education Nationale, ignored and sniffed at by teachers because of her US accent, failing to understand the grading system (a full point off for forgetting a comma?) And why do students have to do math homework in pen? But still churning out pieces for French style bureaux and US magazines.

Then COVID hits, all the companies she has contacts with go under or slash their budgets to the bone and anyway she has to homeschool her son during confinement, trying to reinvent herself evenings and weekends.

Her sexy husband, now CEO of his own société, works from home in a bathrobe, completely preoccupied with saving his business, no longer shaving and reverting to the ancestral custom of not wearing deodorant. Romance slides onto the back burner.

Fall 2020, Jr is back in school, spouse is back at the office a few days a week, but Paris has been declared a “scarlet zone” due to the galloping COVID infection rate of the second wave. The government is threatening confinement again… Now what?

(Story ideas and comments welcome! Will include glam shots of Paris!)

Margaritas at Midnight: The Making Of (Official Selection Paris Short Film Festival 2020)

MARGARITAS poster3

Proud to announce my short feature/music video Margaritas@Midnight is in the official line up at the Paris Short Film Festival 2020:

The Making of M@M:

So there I was far from the musical spotlight due to family craziness and out of the blue, Richard Manwaring, renowned British producer, drummer, and sound mixer, sent me a demo he was arranging with his band Rough Score. Richard and I met in London ages ago when I was recording my first single for Virgin and we’ve been friends ever since.

fullsizeoutput_70a(Photo Celia Manwaring)

The track’s bluesy lounge groove was sexy, but I asked if I could spin the lyrics away from lost-love territory already covered in Jimmy Buffet’s megahit Margaritaville, towards a female take on tropical fantasies. I needed something light and playful to counterbalance the challenges in my life and darkness in the world. The band said yes and singing it was a blast. From day one, I “saw” the story, but had no budget to film it.

My artistic process for the video involved strumming on my guitar, imbibing margaritas, island reveries…

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…plus tons of comedy and art. (Tough job, but…)

As I was planning a minimalist version on iPad and iMovie, tech genius DP, editor, mixer @krysed came on board:

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…joining  improv talent, brainstormer deluxe, DIY acrobat, and the original Margarita God himself, Lewis Primo:

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Not to mention couple of the century, Shirley and Brandon:Shirley Brandon

I could now throw myself into storyboarding and mapping, creating costumes and decors from scratch. 

The Mood Board:

My vintage doll and toy collection, first featured in a brilliant fotonovella shot with my son for his middle school art class:Fotonovella

Iconic Kramp Kitchen sequence from 70’s cult film The Groove Tube (ancestor of SNL):

Christian Boltanski art installation: Shadows from the Lessons of Darkness:

Screenshot 2020-09-07 at 14.10.25

Christian Boltanski, ‘Shadows from the Lessons of Darkness’, 1987, Phillips
Maurice Sendak’s Where the Wild Things Are:
 
Sendak
Extra visuals:
h0us3s_Signs_Hazard_Warning_35800px-Crocodile_warning_sign_01
and island reveries….IMG_1013
 
 
Essential background and props:
 
Florida paintings by artist Lynn Margileth (full disclosure, also my sister, whose studio assistant I was for this series many moons ago) :
 
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Fabrics from Marché St Pierre + patterns, needles, thread, charms, sequins, glue:
 
IMG_1312  FullSizeRendermargaritas thumbFullSizeRender
 
My collection of international female power objects:
 
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Candles and bakelite jukebox piggy bank:
 
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(Krysed bought a special lens for this, same one as Stanley Kubrick used for Barry Lyndon)
 
Blender:
 
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Cat:
 
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Location shooting took place in:
 
My kitchen, with puppet theater and blankets:
 
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Our guest room with linen sheets and keyboard:
 
Krysed studio
 
Lights, camera, action:
DSC04790
 
With my story board (here p 4) and lines of vision map:
 
Storyboard2
Geography
 
 
 
Big thanks to Rough Score for the song: Drums Allmighty Richard Manwaring, Guitar Messiah Paulie Raymond and Bass Creator Richard Hewlett:
 
fullsizeoutput_70d(Photo Celia Manwaring)
 
For gorgeous Florida paintings to Bodhisattva Lynn Margileth, for tech magic to Shooting Ninja @krysed, and to Margarita God Lewis Primo for allowing me to immortalize his original margarita recipe, developed over years of travel, investment, research and experimentation…
 
Festival info:

Screenshot 2020-09-02 at 14.09.50

https://filmfreeway.com/paris-short-film-festival

Festival website and tickets:

http://www.psff.eu

Enjoy as much as we did!

Your (Vocal Siren) Aliss xxxxxxx